Close Open

Kung may isang bagay man akong pinagsisihan ngayong taong 2009 yun ay ang mga taong natutunan kong mahalin at pinahalagahan. Hindi naman sa maling tao sila. Pero alam mo yung feeling na "sana hindi na lang sila?" "sana iba na lang.." Ganon ung point ko.

Hindi ko nasasabi to kasi bitter ako. Siguro talagang my regret lang talaga.
Wala naman akong masising iba kung di sarili ko.
Pero ok na yun, natapos na rin naman lahat. At sa pagtatapos tiyak na may bagong simula. Sa simula ng simula, pwede ko ng ibahin yung kwento. Pwede ko ng paikutin sa anggulong gusto ko. Ako lang naman ang gumagawa sa Lunes, Martes, Miyerkules, Huwebes, Byernes, Sabado at Linggo ko. Kung nagkaron man ako ng regret noon, pwede ko namang bawiin ngayon. Nuff said.

Optimistic na ko.
Hindi na ko nagmumukmuk sa isang bagay ngayon.
Natandaan ko kung paano ako turuan ni mader dear noong bata ako ng larong "close open", at ngayon matanda na ko. Dun ko natutunan yung meaning ng larong yun. Yun ay sa simpleng close open ng kamay, alam mo na dapat ang lugar mo. Kung kelan ka maghohold on o magleletgo. Para sa ending. Ikaw ang winner.

Ngayong pasko. 10 tao lang babatiin ko ng taos pusong Merry Christmas.
(Dada, KP, Amiel, Mumu, Ads, Isma, Sue, Valia, Rhoanne & Lopi)
Yung iba saktong bati lang. Hindi naman sa echapwera sila pero ganon talaga sa totoong buhay. May ranggo bawat tao sa buhay mo. May totoo at may tauhan lang. Pero sa lahat ng taong nakasalamuha ko ngayong taon na tao. Maski totoo man o tauhan lang, Sana'y Maging Masaya Tayong Lahat sa Araw ng Pasko. ILOVEYOU :)

I lost a friend

"How can you say I'm weak if I'm strong enough to walk away?"

I keep on repeating this questions on my head for exactly 26 times today. But I am not yet completely fooled. I know that I'm still in the same ground wherein they left me hanging. Since then I am blinded with their lies. Lies that keeps on haunting me till now.


Please let me fly away from you.
You're happiness is still my #1 nightmare as of now.
Set me free, over and over again.

For Jesus

I wish everyone would stop asking me if we're going to stay together when you leave. Because even I don't think our reasons are good enough to break what we have. I'll miss you.

Sinungaling e

Minsan kelangan talaga ng tao ang magsinungaling. Kasama na to sa buhay natin.
May mga taong makasarili talaga. Hanggat masaya sila wala silang pake elam sa nararamdaman ng ibang tao.


Anong magiging pakiramdam mo kung niloko ka ng kaibigan mo?
Kaibigan na pinagkatiwalaan mo ng buong buo?
Masakit diba.

Kaibahan ng bulag sa nakakakita

Hindi alam ng nakakakita kung kelan sila bulag. Hindi nila alam kung ano ang totoo sa hindi. Mapaglaro ang ating mga mata, minsan tayo'y nadadarang lang ng ating imahinasyon. Ang masaklap pa'y madali tayong nadadala nito.

Ayoko ng mag-isip

Dahil mas madaling gumalaw ng malaya. Ng walang inaalala.
Yung tipong hindi ko na kelangan alamin kung bakit at paano.

Kung tatalon ako, sisguraduhin kong hindi ako mahuhulog

Hindi ko masasabing matapang ako. Sa totoo lang ay takot ako sa ilang bagay lalo na ang masaktan. Kaya't ang bawat galaw ng aking mga paa at kumpas ng aking mga kamay ay maalam kong pinag-iisipan.

Kung pumunta ako sa rooftop ng isang building at nagpasyang tumalon. Sisiguraduhin kong hindi ako mahuhulog. Iisipin ko ang bawat detalye ng sitwasyon. Kung itatapak ko man ang kaliwang paa ko sa gilid ng establisimyentong iyon at isayawsayaw sa hangin, hahayaan ko naman namnamin ng aking kanang paa ang init ng semento. Ito ang tinatawag kong balanse.

Mapaglaro ang tadhana. Hindi mo alam kung kelan ka niya itutlak pababa o tutulungan paakyat. Sa panahong ito, mas pinili kong tumalon. Bumagsak ako hindi nahulog. May kusa ang aksyong ginawa ko, boluntaryo. At sa paglapag ko sa sahig na naghintay sa'kin sisiguraduhin kong hindi ako masasaktan ng todo to the highest level. Dahil mula sa itaas na pinaggalingan ko, inisip ko at ginusto kung ano man ang ginawa ko. May kalkulasyon. Expected ko na.


Sana, kung tatalon ka.
Hwag kang mahuhulog. Dahil minsan, masakit.

Supposedly 3rd Month

21 seem to be an ordinary day for you, but for me it’s the most special and worst date at the same time that a month can offer. I’ve loved, died and lost over and over again, but still I’m here - promising that you would never be replaced.

Stay happy, I’m okay enough to bare this pain that you can’t understand. I can stand still in this dark meadow of my life gathering all my strength just to move forward. I’m fairly okay now, well except for the bitter fact that this is the only choice I have now, but also because that I have to set you free and take this chance to mingle with the others. Stay happy, that’s all I wish for you.

All things back to normal now, back to the time that we’re not yet together.
All seems fair. But nothing felt more sure except for the fact that life goes on, even when I already want to stop.

I’ll step my feet forward but I left my heart sealed on yours.
And when I’m ready, I’ll go back.. I’ll carefully take it away.
And maybe on that day we’ll smile together – separated.

Try

It’s really frustrating when people around you stop to understand whatever you are feeling right now. Maybe it just that, they do not know how it feels to be this desperate and frustrated about a lost love. They don’t know how hard it is to just move on and leave everything behind as if nothing happened. They don’t know how to be like this.


Yes! I am still haunted about us. I’m still living in the memory of me and him together.
And yes, I still love him despite of everything that happened and everything that he have done. I know that it’s hard, but it’s not hard perse– it’s difficult. Difficult in a way, that whenever that I try to move on, he’s still there- watching me as I run forward away from him. Away from the dreams that we built, the friendship and the love that grew between us. And especially, away from the man that I used know.

How can I replace him with someone new if I have nothing to begin with?
But at least I know, that I should try.

Namiss kita.

Matagal na kitang hindi nabigyan pansin. Napakalaki na nga ng pagkukulang ko sa’yo, Paano ba ko maaring bumawi?

Itinuring na kitang best friend. Lahat na ata ng chismis na alam ko eh alam mo rin. Pati mga aral ng aking propesor eh alam mo. Namiss ko to, yung bawat detalye ng pagkukwento ko sa’yo.

Nung mga panahon na wala ka. Dun ko nalaman na nawala rin pala ang malaking bahagi ng buhay ko. Totoo pala yung sinabi nila na malalaman mo lang ang halaga ng bagay sa panahon na wala na ito. Hindi ako nakaraos sa mga problemang hanggang ngayon ay dinadala ko dahil wala ka sa tabi ko. Sobrang cheesy ba? Pero promise cross my heart totoo yon.

Hindi pala kita pwedeng ipagpalit sa mga librong binabasa ko pampatay ng oras o sa internet na umaaliw saken dahil na rin sa mga laro sa Facebook, o kaya sa unan kong amoy laway at kayakap sa gabi. Wala ka pa rin kapantay. Sayo ko pa rin nasasabi lahat. Sayo ko lang nailalabas lahat ng galit, pagkutya, inis at pag-ibig ko sa mundong ito. Kung naging tao ka lang sana’y ikaw na ang kakambal ko. Pero syempre, mas maganda pa rin dapat ako.

Nanghihinayang ako sa oras, araw at buwan na pinabayaan kita.
Sana’y mapatawad at matanggap mo pa rin ako. Ikaw pa rin and number 1 saken, sana’y ganyan ka rin. Alam kong nagging matamlay ka nitong huli pero nandito na ko, bumalik na ko. Para sa’yo at para sa sarili ko.

2ne1

A month that been years

My lover and I separated ways.
A month that been years,
I can no longer adhere.

As everyday, he made everything
just to make me smile.
All these things comes in a while.
For our love was now lost and died.

I can no longer hear those laughs and beats,
When he go sober, he'll definitely stamp his feet.
In a minute his heart beats 73 times,
That I can no longer say, "It's mine!"

All those sweet nothings that he said,
keeps running turning crazy in my head!
When does it start to become folly?
Is it him? Or is it really me?

And now,
as he finally found someone else to love..
I'm setting free this love that I have.
A month that been years,you and me entwined.
Had finally come to the time to say goodbye.

All good things come to an end

I've decided to let go every memories we have. Those days and times we're happy and in love. Reminiscing is sometimes good but remembering him everyday, every minute and every second is like being an addict. I want it more but I know its not good for me, I'm in love but it's already worthless. So that's why I need to forget him to renew myself.

Its rather difficult than hard.
But I have to.

Katok sa Realidad

Minasdan ko ang kanyang labi,
Bawat detalye'y tinignan ko.
Hinayaan kong malunod ako sa pantasya,
na kung saan siya pa rin ang aking kasama.

Animoy'y multo ng nakaraan.
Bawat siphayo'y kabiguan.
Nalunod ako sa hangin mo,
Langit o impyerno, asaan ba ko?

Ipilit man ay hindi uubra.
Kahit magsuot ng ginintuang maskara.
Patuloy pa rin siya sa paglayo.
Kahit anong klaseng pagbubuyo.

Hanggang saan ba ako tatakbo?
Sa distansya o karurukrurukan?
Paglaya ang iyong hinihiling.
Tenga ko'y nabibingi.


Binigkas mo ang pagkamuhi.
Sa labi mo'y namutawi
Binasag ang aking pantasya,
Sa Realidad - na ika'y wala na.

I just want to screw this topic

I think there’s nothing wrong to talk about other people in your circle of friends. But what made it wrong is to over react. There are some people in my peers wherein I always see them get together talking about people lives and what they do. They hate the same person, they love to laugh about what that person do or even get any news they can get in the day and talk about those. I don’t know why…. It’s hard to speculate. Hahaha!

Infected

I feel useless right at this moment. Seeing these people around me, of what they are doing, of what they have achieved, of what they have, of where they belong, I feel so small and worthless.

Recalling those hundreds of opportunities that I just let to pass my way, the time that I wasted on for nothing, a lot of money that I spent for useless things – all of these are summoned and are haunting me right now.

All the bad luck that I am experiencing, it really drives me fucking crazy! It feels like I am a discontented shit head slash schizophrenic of my generation. And I really pity myself for that.

Truly that human like me do not have any sense of contentment in her inner being. Despite of what I got and have, I still feel like this. I always wanted more of the most that I can do and have. I always wanted to get anything that I think that I want to have.

I don’t know.
I guess that my private demon is awoken and making me like this. He’s starting to eat my sense of contentment and make my direction hopeless. He’s threatening me and I felt fear for the first time in my life. Fear that I cannot go back in my usual way of thinking.
Sometimes I want to believe that I’m starting to be a lunatic finding her way in her sacred asylum.
But for the sake of my self’s integrity. I stop myself to fall on that conclusion. No one’s destined to fall right? And for now, the least thing that I can think of right now is I’m on a travel, on an astral travel… clinging on a thread to go back to reality.
This absurd thing made me smile… so I’ll stop.

School's cool

When I hear the word student, learning is the first thing that comes to my mind. It is a surest fact that being a student has a responsibility to do an enduring change not only in behavior but also in attitude and characteristics that result from experience.

I can still remember the first time that I set my foot on the ground of our university. It felt like I am already achieving something even though I haven’t done anything yet. Well, I think that is one of the best things that can happen for a student – to study in the school that they long dreamt to study.

As every day I pass by in our school premises, I realized that being a student can also mean, being a warrior. Warrior in a sense that, a student must battle on when it comes to participation and everyday assignments, take a big risk of her dignity on cheating just to pass the exams, meet failures in the form of failing grades and rejoice in victory of passing the subject.

But those ups and downs will not all be worth it and memorable without those people around you, your friends and sometimes also your professors. School is not a one-to-one ratio wherein,

School : Student

But likely rather than an equation wherein there will always be a way to balance things out.

School = Student + Hard work + friends/Professors


What we learn and continue to learn in school will always help us when it comes to dealing lifelong realities, and not only that, what and whom we gain in school will always be a part of our life that sometimes can bring us to success or bring us to nothing. There will always be a make or break point.


So why be a bummer and say school sucks? When in fact, school’s cool?

Happy 1st Monthsary

We didn't agree on much. In fact we rarely agreed on anything. We fought all the time and challenged each other everyday... But in spite of our differences, we had one important thing in common, we were crazy about each other.


Happy 1st Month :D

The poorest excuse

Even though that sometimes I have all the reasons in the world to give up on something, I will never do such thing. And even though I give up, it will be the same old story, I will always hold back.

Making decisions are the most painful part for me. The part I agonized the most. For I know that since I was a kid, I cannot stand on for my own decisions. I always cling on the other person’s decision or I will always have the thought in mind that what I have decided was not the best thing to do and was not the best thing for me. Hesitance always blocks my way. I will always think twice, thrice, and so many times until I get tired of thinking and throw away the purpose of that decision making. It has been always like this. No concrete thing in mind and nothing in mind to settle on.

Some says it was sort of cool, for you have all the power in the world to choose in the time you want to choose, to go if you want to go and leave in the time you want to leave. No plans at all. In a snap, what happens, happened. It’s quite easy for your self also. But there will always be the word, R E G R E T. And maybe that’s what the big reason behind of my disdained attitude towards decision making. I’m afraid to have regret for the things that I’ve decided to do. I don’t want to blame myself for whatever is the outcome of my decision. Its part of my defense mechanism I think.

And unfortunately, until this time I cannot address on this kind of malfunctioning in my mental aspect. It felt like all the neurons in my mind talked to each other then conspired to be like this forever. Hahah! Funny, but I think true. :DD This is the poorest excuse for what I'm doing,but it's still true.

Dan Scott

Somewhere along the line,
I started hurting the people I care most about,
and I can't figure out how to stop.

Favorite Love Quotes

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.."

"It's not about keeping your promises, and it's not about following your heart. It's about security."

": Do you think our love, can take us away together?
: I think our love can do anything we want it to"

"They didn't agree on much. In fact they rarely agreed on anything. They fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday... But in spite their differences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other."

"Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone."

"I could be fun, if you want. I could be pensive, uhh... smart, supersticious, brave? And I, uhh, I can be light on my feet. I could be whatever you want. You just tell me what you want, and I'm gonna be that for you."

"She had come back into his life like a sudden flame; blazing and streaming into his heart."

What is love?

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

-St. Augustine

I do not believe in saints, but I agree in this definition of love.

Goodmorning!

I'm so proud of myself because at last, after so many tries, I've done it na!
And it was nothing but me, no one taught me how to do this. Nakakatuwa kasi matagal ko ng gustong gumawa ng ganito but I don't know how. But now, dahil sa tyaga at konting pag-iisip nagawa ko na.

Yeeyy! D: Good talaga ang morning ko ngayon.
No bad PM's nor GM. Cool.

I hope I can be happy somewhere

I can't say yesterday was the worst,
but definitely it is one that hurts the most.

I am summoned by my law professor yesterday, And my boy was not in the good. What's frustrating was I don't know why. As we ate our lunch, I know that half of him was not with me.

I tried to cover things up by putting into topics whatever that crossed my mind, but still he's not with me. He just decided to embraced his silence.

After that "saddened" lunch, he asked me if he can go on our house on Sunday and not on Saturday which is the day that we agreed upon, because he's going to attend a group gathering in Parañaque on that day.. I want to say no but I do not have a choice. He is someone who do not take no for an answer. It should always be his decision that will prevail. And that put me more into confusion.

The sun sets and everything turned to darkness. I was convinced that all bad things are now over and I might call it a fair day. But I was wrong, I know that from the start I only half-own him, for he was still 'in' for his exgirlfriend. It was very painful to receive GM's from her ex telling every message that my boy sent to her on that same night. I cried and now, I still don't know what to expect. All I know is I'm hurting and trying to be okay.

Sa mundong ibabaw, siya lang ang ginusto ko.

"Naranasan mo na bang magmahal ng isang taong nasa tabi mo palagi, 'kayo' sa mata ng tao pero ibang babae ang nasa loob ng puso niya?"

Sa pagmulat ng mata ko sa liwanag na buhat ng sinag ng araw na tumagos sa maliit na butas ng bintana sa aking kwarto, unti-unti kong naunawaan na may panibago na naman akong araw para mabuhay. Nagpasalamat ako sa paraan ng pagdarasal at unti unting nag-unat.

Mahal ko ang taong katabi ko simula kagabi.
Wala akong nireklamo sa lahat ng hirap ng damdamin na pinaramdam niya simula ng kami'y nagkasama dahil sa hanggang ngayong hindi niya pa rin maiwan iwan ang kanyang nakaraan.

Sa bagong araw na ibinigay sa akin, panibagong pag-asa na naman ang umukopa sa aking puso.
Darating ang araw na buong buo kong masasabi na siya'y akin. Na bawat sinag ng araw na sumisilaw sa aking mata'y siya lang ang iisipin ko, hindi ako magsasawang umintindi.

Magmimistula akong ilog na dumadaloy ng walang humpay upang marating ang dagat na sa kanya'y naghihintay. Ako ang magiging dahilan kung bakit kami magiging matibay.
Hindi kami mabubuwag.

Sa mundong ibabaw,
siya lang ang ginusto ko.
Wala ng iba.

I want myself at my best

Sa tatlong araw na bakasyon ko kuno, narewind ko yung utak ko sa mga bagay na gusto kong pagtuunan ng pansin noon pa. Mahirap mag-isip lalo na para sa mga bagay na ayaw mo ng isipin dahil mahirap tanggapin.

Sa tatlong araw kong nakasama ang taong mahal ko. Marami siyang sinabi at kinuwento sa akin. Alam kong normal na yon samen, pero iba na kasi yung dating sa akin. Siguro tama siya nung sinabi niyang praning na siguro ako. Pero hindi ko naman masisisi sarili ko eh, sa dami ba naman ng naranasan kong masasakit sa lalaki sino ba namang hindi mapapraning? Hindi naman ako manhid.

Sa tuwing kinukwento niya yung past niya. Gusto kong manliit kasi alam ko na walang wala akong binatbat don, itsura pa lang 0% win na. Loser for short. Napakalayo ng agwat namin sa pag-iisip at pag-uugali. Hindi ko alam kung paano mahihigitan yun, sa simula pa lang na isipin ko eh parang imposible na.

Childish at immature ako minsan. Pinipigilan kong maging ganon para wala ng problema pero hindi ko pa rin mapigilan minsan. Parang nasa nature ko na talaga. Tsk! Ang hirap ng ganon, gusto kong maging katulad ng past niya, according nga sa kanya eh "kakaiba" "she got her own thing.." yung tipong ganon.

Gusto kong magbago para sa kanya.
Maging best para sakanya, para hindi niya ko iwan. :/

Very Touching..

"When the devil dares the world to be outstanding, my people will be the standards to be used!"

This is beautiful!




She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?'
The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry.. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'

Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'

The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.'

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son.=2 0She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more days with his Mom.' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.'

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

'Dear Mom,

I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You'. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day.. Someday we will see each other again.. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if y ou decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.
Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything.. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him ¡where was He when I needed him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone.. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.


(Let's see Satan stop this one.) Take 60 seconds and repost this, within the hour, you will have caused a multitude of believers to pray to God for each other. Then sit back and feel the Holy Spirit work in your life for doing what you know God loves 'When you¢re down to nothing, God is up to something.'
Email this. Title:
This is beautiful! Try not to cry.

Send this to 10 people in 2 minutes and you will feel the Holy Spirit brightening your life in just an hour

I have fallen in love (with the same woman three times)

I have fallen in love
with the same woman three times;
In a day spanning 19 years
of tearful joys and joyful tears.
I loved her first when she was young,
enchanting and vibrant, eternally new.
She was brilliant, fragrant,
and cool as the morning dew.
I fell in love with her the second time;
when first she bore her child and mine
always by my side, the source of my strength,
helping to turn the tide.
But there were candles to burn
the world was my concern;
while our home was her domain.
and the people were mine
while the children were hers to maintain;
So it was in those eighteen years and a day.
’till I was detained; forced in prison to stay.
Suddenly she’s our sole support;
source of comfort,
our wellspring of Hope.
On her shoulders felt the burden of Life.
I fell in love again,
with the same woman the third time.
Looming from the battle,
her courage will never fade
Amidst the hardships she has remained,
undaunted and unafraid.
she is calm and composed,
she is God’s lovely maid.

This song is popularized by Jose Mari Chan.
Lyrics is made by Ninoy Aquino for his wife Cory Aquino.
Nice song. Very meaningful.

TwenyOne

Isa sa mga pinakamagandang araw sa buhay ng tao ang makasama ang taong pinakamamahal nila. Hindi lang isang araw kung hindi isang linggo at apat na araw pa. Nakakatuwa talaga siyang kasama kasi walang kyeme, at pareho kaming walanghiya. Pogi siya, matakaw at may super powers. Puro pa kami pustahan. Lagi naman siyang talo.

Nanghuhuli pa kami ng garapata. Nilalagay sa gaas tas susunugin.
Ang dami ko nga nalaman eh, 52 seconds bago mamatay ang isang garapata pag nilagay mo sa gaas, eto yung strong kind. Pag weak kind naman mga 15 seconds lang tumitiklop na at dedo na. So much for garapata thingy. Sorta gross! :D

Tumitibok ang puso ni Intoy ng 72 beats kada minuto.
Hindi ako sure kung normal kasia ng alam kong normal beats per minute ng tao eh 80.
Tas takot siya sa gagamba. Mind you! Sa oras na makakakita siya non tumitili siya. Nasipa pa niya ko dahil sa takot. Hahahah!
Nabibingi siya pag walang music sa tenga niya, kung bakit ay hindi ko alam.

May photoshoot pala ng model ng TJMA pageant kanina pero hindi ako informed kahit tinext daw ako ni Ate Eya kaya wala akong dalang cam. Nakakafrustrtae. Pfft! Pero may Monday pa naman eh kaya ayos lang yan. Hahaha.


PS: Nakakafrustrate dahil hindi ako umabot sa deadline ng The Varsitarian sa short story making.

Boys will always be boys

Boys will always be boys. They will play even if everything around them is serious and complicated. They will not be that complex unlike girls. When it comes to a relationship, there are still boys that will go and find flings even if they have girlfriend or even wives. They will still find another “flavor” to try on.

But as long as they love you, even though that they will meet a lot of girls and find thousands of flings. At the end of the day, they will still go back to you. They will still come home where their heart belongs… And I think that what really matter, right?
It is not all about finding faults and making mistakes. It is all about you and him.

What about girls?
We just need to listen, understand and trust them.
And sometimes.. Forgive.

This love is difficult; but it's real

This week has been a great week for me. God never really fails to prove me that when we lose something or someone there will always be a great thing that will come for you, a hundred percent sure that this is better than your past. I’ve been with him for 6days straight, never ending and super over flowing love that I’ve felt was really the best price that I’ve received from all the heartaches and pain of my past. He never let me down since before and when he has given a chance to make everything better, he did it,

Jesus, (that’s what his real name) gave me the reason to smile again. The surest fact that I am with him all the way this last week was the best ever week of my life! I don’t know, I just can’t explain how it feels. It was like I’m having butterflies in my stomach, so cheesy that all I can do but smile.

Life will never be fair for us, but when we meet someone that will make everything of our undertakings go smooth flowing, it will be worth to take the risk and make life more complicated.


“What’s life without taking risk??”
-Sirious Black ; Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix

Make it slow but nice..

Nung isang linggo nabigyan ako ng pagkakataon na turuan yung mga balikbayan kong pinsan ng Math. Algebra to be exact. Yung addition at subtraction ng integers. Aaminin ko, hindi ko alam yon. I mean hindi ko gamay yang add at subtract sa Algebra. I love numbers but I hate Math ang drama ko. Nakakalito naman kasi pag iba iba na ng signs ang inaadd mo at sinusubtract.
Pero nakaisip ako ng technique *Thank God after 3 years in college nagkaroon ako ng technique sa Algebra* Technique ko, kahit iplus o minus man ang iba ibang signs, dapat may principle ka ng "first things, first.." Yung tipong isa isa dapat, pagsamasamahin yung magkakapareho, kunwari sa kanan muna ung negative at sa kaliwa yung positive. Tas gawin mo yung instruction kung add ba o subtract at saka don mo lang icombine yung sagot sa dalawa. Madali lang pala pag ganoon.
Parang sa buhay lang eh, hindi dapat minamadali ang mga bagay. May tamang proseso lahat yan, unti untiin muna at maayos ang kakalabasan. Mentras kasing nagmamadali'y mentras ring pumapalpak.

Di ba?

Introduction's really making me sick

I just got home from school. It was a great day except that I had an instant interview with this organization on our school. I am applying to be one of their Junior Officer and It’s necessary for me to take an interview so I did it. What really shocked me was the first thing that she made me do/say it. “Introduce yourself briefly…” And I was like “Fuck! What the hell??!!”*>.<*

As a matter of fact I really hate introductions, especially if I am going to introduce myself. The main reason is I find it hard to choose the right words that best suites me and my personality. It felt like nothing really in me was normally functioning and no words can describe it. And if I try to make an introduction I always ended up saying nonsense things about me, like what are the things that I love and hate, what are my favorite foods, colors, book, songs, etc. See how bum I am for such thing? I Pity myself for that. Argghh! *u* I am not really making sense right?

What worst is, I still don’t know to address this kind of problem.
Tsss.

Love destroyed me once

"Hapi mansary,
nagpapasa lang ako para
mabait ka.


Ingat ka palagi ha?
Happy mansari 17 =l"

Alas dos ng umaga ko nabasa yang text na yan kahapon. Nakakapanglumo kasi kahit isang linggo na ang nakalipas, mahirap pa rin tanggapin na may mga bagay na sadyang hanggang doon na lang talaga. Yung tipong kahit ano mangyare, kahit maghimala o umulan man ng pera eh hinding hindi na mababago.

Mahirap intindihin ang mga bagay na hindi naman pinapaintindi sayo, pero dahil sa wala kang choice iintindihin at iintindihin mo pa rin. Yun yung naramdaman ko ng naghiwalay kami. Pero keme lang! Keri pa naman. Inisip ko na lang na may mga bagay na dapat tapusin tulad ng relasyon sa isang taong mahal mo sa kadahilanang kelangan niyong mag grow. Yun nga lang hindi kayo magkasama.

Masakit kung iisipin pero may lesson naman.
Ganon ang pagmamahal, hayaan mo siyang umalis sa piling mo, hayaan mo siyang tuklasin ang mga bagay na gusto niya, sumama sa mga taong nakakapagpasaya sa kanya. Wag mo siyang ituring na parang ibon na ikukulong mo lang sa hawla. Hindi malaya. Nawawala ang halaga niya sa mundo dahil wala siyang kalayaang lumipad.

Hindi man kami para sa isa't isa na magmahalan bilang babae at lalake sa isang relasyon,
nagmamahalan naman kami bilang magkaibigan.
Mas pinili namen kung saan kami magtatagal.
Hindi man nag-uusap puno naman ng kalayaan para magsalita.

Iba talaga pag UST-e!

5:30 ng umaga ako umalis ng bahay. Medyo nagmaamdali pa ko kasi wala akong tigahatid ngayon at color coding at magbubus lang ako. Pag nalate ako ng alis eh tayuan na sa bus, so hassle kasi umuulan pa. Excited ako pumasok, may quiz sa OM at gusto ko yung prof. Nagbayad ako ng P50 sa trike, sinuklian ako ng kinse, gusto ko umangal kasi trenta lang naman ang bayad pero 35php ang kinuha, pero hindi na ko nakipagtalo-sayang lang sa oras. Sumakay ako ng bus, masaya kasi nakaupo ako, pangalawa pa sa unahan. Umalis ang bus at tinahak ang NLEX. Ang bilis ni manong driver magmaneho, siguro may date siya mamaya. Kinuha ko yung Kapitan Sino sa bag ko at nagbasa, simula non hindi ko na nakuhang tignan yung cellphone ko. Isang kanto na lang sa Lacson at San Lazaro na malapit na kong bumaba. Nag ayos na kong ng gamit at naglabas ng payong ng makita ko yung bababaan ko, susmaryosep garapon! Puro tubig! Syempre no choice kaya lumusong na rin ako. :x

Pag dating ko sa LaongLaan, puro tubig pa rin. Pinagtitinginan na ko, Para kong may nagawang bagay sa mundo na kelangan na nila kong hulihin. May pedicab dun sabi ko kung naghahatid siya sa Dapitan Gate, sabi niya "Oo, trenta.." Ang mahal grabe. Sabi ko bente lang binabayad ko (kahit di pa ko nakakasakay heheh) Eh di umepek naman. Nung nakasakay na ko sa pedicab, dun ko lang naisipan tignan yung cellphone ko, ang dameng message na walang pasok. Isa na don yung ke mama, "Anak declared na, wala kayong pasok. Ingat ka wah. Bumili ka ng pagkain niyo magkapatid.." Nagreply naman ako, "Ano ba yan lumusong pa ko sa baha!" "Ganon talaga. Bumili ka ng pagkain niyo magkapatid.." Hindi na lang ako nagreply. Sabi ko ke manong pedicab ibalik na niya ko kasi wala naman daw palang pasok. Humingi na lang ako ng pasensya.

Balik na naman ako sa baha. Hanggang may dumating na bus. Pero sa tinamaan ng magaling inabot pa ata ako ng 15minutes bago makasakay ng bus, nasa kalsada ako na may baha bawat jeep bus trike na dumadaan sinasapo ko yung tubig. Buti na lang black yung uniform ko ng araw na 'to. :x Ayan na! Dumating na din ang bus, pinara ko, humakbang at tanannnn! Inanod yung havs ko, syempre kinuha ko pa, kahit ano mangyare kukunin ko yon, gift yon ni tintin eh. Pagluhod ko eh di basa na ko ever! Hinubad ko na lang ung tsinelas ko at chaka nagpaa na sumakay ng bus. Syempre sikat na naman sa bus. Nakakahiya pero nakangiti pa rin ako. Experience na naan to eh.

Tunay ngang hindi kumpleto ang college life ng mga Thomasian pag hindi sila nakalusong sa baha. Sa mga panahon na ganito, ang top4 universities sa bansa, nagiging 3 na lang.

Acceptance is the key to heal.

It was raining hard outside yesterday. I gaze at the window and see nothing but fog. It’s been days, 7 days exactly. So much has changed, but not with the way I feel. I am still clinging on and still trying to cope up with things that happened.

I used to wake up in the morning with the bright sun rays that passes through my windows, but now it was the cold freezing wind that the rain brought that wake me up. I shiver, and that made me believe that I am now alone. I try to reach for my pillow then hug it, but it was not there. There in the old place that I used to put it. And for the second time, I felt despair for I am alone.

God never failed me to prove that He is God. That He is a good God.
Even though that He had taken away the sun that shines bright in my morning, He has sent me the rain, I may not know the reason at this time, but maybe tomorrow I’ll understand why…


I may be alone for awhile, but time come that he’ll come back, maybe not as a lover, but as a friend. Time will lapse, and we will grow and understand.
Now, what really matters most is that we loved at all.

Guilty Feelings Are Always The Nastier Revenge

"Wag mo silang takutin,
Hwag mong iparamdam na may kasalanan sila.."

Bongga! Ganito pala pag Junior Executive na si Kokey noh? Sa kanya ko toh narinig eh, sabi daw sa kanya ni Ate J...(Ok nakalimutan ko.) Ayaw kasi magbayad ng membership na P200 sa TJMA nung iba kaya ayon, hindi ko na ikukwento.

Pero totoo naman eh. Mas maganda yung silent revenge. Actually hindi naman sa revenge. Parang conscience game diba? God has given us, humans, the sense of what is right and what is wrong. So sometimes, hindi na natin dapat isungalngal sa isang tao na may ginawa siyang mali or what, minsan kasi hindi ka pinapansin, o wala lang epekto un kasi sila pa rin ang nagdedecide at para sa kanila tama sila. :/ It's rare to find someone who admits his/her faults. So rare talaga. Tsss.

How I wish matauhan na siya. :/

I don't mind and you don't matter.

Hindi ko alam kung may mga bagay ba kong napala sa mga nangyare ngayong mga huling araw. Nakakapanghina lang at sobrang hirap kasi wala akng mapagsabihan. Kahit gusto ko ng iblurt out wala, napipigil ko pa rin. Natatakot kasi akong kaawaan ng mga taong makakaalam. Kasi mismong ako down na down na eh. Sila pa kaya? Lalo na ngayon na simpatya lang ang gusto ng mga tao. Hindi ka nila tutulungan. Oo sasabihan ka nila na "Ok lang yan, madame pa diyan.." Eh alam ko naman un duuuh? Ang point kasi, di naman mapipigilan to eh. Sige nga try nio?

Tignan mo tong GM ni Lyra. Bongga noh?
Oo bongga talaga. Shiiiz! :/ Sapol much?

"Don't tell everyone about your troubles. Half of them don't care and the other half are glad it happened to you."
-Reader's Digest

If you don't like me,
it goes mind over matter.
I don't mind and you don't matter..

Si Ella ay Hindi Ako.

"Kung may mamahalin man ako ulit sa susunod, ikaw pa rin ang pipiliin ko. Sana nga saktan na lang niya ko, dahil hindi ko kaya na ako pa ang manakit sa kanya.."

Pinikit ko ang aking mga mata. Hindi ko alam ang aking sasabihin o sadyang hindi lang talaga ako makapagsalita. Tila ilang ulit akong hinulugan ng meteors na galing sa kung saan planeta na punong puno ng apoy. Hindi naman sa pagiging OA pero para na kong pinapatay. Nakakapanghina tuloy.

It's easier to believe in lies.

If God closes the door, He will definitely open a window. He will never leave us unattended. That’s what I am clinging to right at this moment. Even though that there are many happenings in my life that do not went well just what I expected it to be, I still believe that it is the will of God. Maybe it is the best remedy that I know right know. I am in pain again and I don’t want to go on details because it is easier to disguise rather than explain why you are sad. I’ve learned that not of all the people around you treat you the way you treat them. You believe in them and then just found out that you had believed in lies. It will hurt right? But that’s life, that’s what people are nowadays. And we just have to handle them in the right way, believe in them at the right time and befriend them in the right reasons.

What's Mentholiptus?

It was an awesome day today. Well not really that “best” but it’s a good one.
I got accepted as a photographer on Thomasian Junior Marketing Association and we are about to have an orientation and lesson for basic photography this Monday. About the writing committees the list of the names that are accepted are not yet shown. The officer in charge said that they are still finalizing the “chosen ones”, so I hope that I’ll be on the list too. We also had a quiz on Distributing Management and I think I got perfect on that test, or if not perfect maybe at least a mistake or two. Witwiw! :D

I also visited the Library after having lunch with Amiel. And I got to encounter a group of Engineering Students in The Filipiana Section, what bothers me is when me & my friend entered the room, they started looking and murmuring. And there’s one who bow down her head in the table with her friend in an AB Uniform. At first I was confused. But the moment that we sat down and I got the time to look at those wonderers I came to find out that 2 of those are known by me. Well I just don’t know why do they need to bother that much and bow down as if they were hiding. (scenic)

Then, I went to UP and meet Ickah. Do some shots & eat merienda.
Ickah is one heck of a wonderful person. She’s very professional & sweet, so nice pa.
She’s cute as if she was a doll & a really a small but incredible person.
It was really a lot of fun. Even though it was very tiring to walk and walk and walk along UP Campus. But it’s nice talaga, I got a chance to visit their library and bumped in with Jezer, a high school schoolmate of mine. Cool. And now I have a picture with the oblation. Hahahah. Weird much, seeing that statue made me euphoric that time and made me do some camwhoring with that thing. Hahahah. :DD

So much for that babe, it’s getting late and I have a 7am class tomorrow.
Damn! I don’t have photoshop still. *sad face*
Hmp. Nyways, TCCIC. (I miss You Daryl!)

Selfishh!

Masakit at nakakapanghina ang araw na to.
Sobrang sakit kasi nalaman kong hindi na niya ko mahal. Mahal man niya ko, bilang kaibigan na lang. Tinanong ko siya kung bakit, pero hindi niya rin daw alam yung dahilan. Gusto ko magalit pero mas pinili kong umiyak. Dun naman ako magaling eh. Yung ilabas lahat sa pag-iyak. Actually nararamdaman ko naman na parating na yung time na to, instinct baga. At kala ko kaya kong bumitaw ng ganon ganon lang, pero iba pa rin pag actual na. Mahirap, masakit sobra. Nakiusap ako, lahat naman kasi ng effort ginawa ko. Wala naman raw akong mali oh pagkukulang yung nararamdaman lang niya yung problema. Pero mahirap pa rin intindihin.

Sa kabila lahat ng pag-uusap.
Dumating yung point na, kahit ayokong bumitaw pero wala naman akong choice. Kaya naging ready na rin akong pakawalan siya. Alam naman niya yung side ko, at binigay ko na lahat sa kanya yung pagdedecide.

Pinili niyang ituloy. Pipilitin naman daw niyang ibalik yung love niya para sakin.
Alam kong mali pero hindi naman sigurong masamang pagbigyan ko yung nararamdaman ko. Nagholdback siya, ganon rin naman ako. :(

Pareho kaming nahihirapan, napakselfish ko na ba?
Kinakaaawaan ko na sarili ko. :( Hays Bat ganon, lagi na lang akong naiiwanan sa ere ng mga taong minamahal ko? :'( Nakakadepress. Buti di pa ko namemental noh?

Haysss.
Selfish ako! Selfisshh! :((

Unang Beses Ng Kanyang Paglisan

Pagod at lupaypay na ang mga paa katatakbo sa desyertong sa kung saan ay hindi ko alam. Unti unti ko ng nararamdaman ang pagod na kanina'y pilit ko namang inaalintana. Maihahalintulad mo na ko sa pangkarerang kabayo na pinapalo para tumakbo, tumatakbo dahil pinapalo. Tunay na walang kasiguraduhan ang ginagawa kong 'to pero tinuloy ko pa rin. Hindi para kung kanino kung hindi'y para sa akin.

Nararamdaman kong sa anumang oras ay bibigay na ang aking binti. Kung marunong lang magmura ang katawan ko, siguro'y namatay na ko sa kakamura nito. Pero hindi pa rin ako titigil, kung ito lamang ang paraan para maramdaman ko ang pagkamanhid. Gusto ko yon! Yung maramdaman ang pakiramdam ng walang pakiramdam.

Binilisan ko pa ang paghagod ng mga pagod na paa ko sa lupa. Hanggang ako'y natalisod. Nalunod sa mga buhangin. At unti unti nitong hinihigop. Kumunoy. Eto ang kumunoy na nagpabalik sa akin ng realidad na mahina pa rin ako, na sa proseso ng buhay ay dapat akong lumaban.

Hinigop niya ko, hindi ako makahinga.
Hindi ako makahinga.
Nanlaban ngunit kulang.
Hindi pa rin ako makahinga!!


Hanggang na siya mismo ang nagluwa sakin.
Pagkatapos pahirapan at nakawan ng hangin ay kinamuhian niya ako.
Tinapon. Niluwa.


Ganon na lang yun..
Ganon ganon na lang.
Sa kabila ng pagod na tumakas ay ganon ganon lang niya kong binalik sa realidad na sana'y ayaw ko ng balikan.

"I know sometimes, its gonna rain.."

I don’t know our status right at this moment. We haven’t talk for awhile. I asked him to load up but he didn’t so I did the same too. I wonder what he’s thinking right now. Is he bothered as much as I am? I bet he’s not. But I prayed that he is.

There are no permanent things in this world indeed.
But sometimes it is easier to accept this fairytale statement rather than accept that it doesn’t exist. I know it will be easier for me to accept things if it will turn out wrong or not the way I expect it to be, because I’ve learned that in the process of this so-called love. It is better to expect more on the “less expectations” rather than cling in the positive side. It is not being pessimist. It is more likely to be, “I-am-happy-but-still-safe-of-getting-hurt” status, still safe but not incapable.

It is not unfair.
It is just a matter of accepting changes in a long run.
And getting ready for the worst case scenario.

Have you found joy in your life?

Have you found joy in your life?
This question keeps on running in my head. I heard this awhile ago in the news when someone is being interviewed about the issue of Cory Aquino’s “stable” condition.

Life is indeed very short. No one knows maybe tomorrow or worst later you’ll be dead and gone in a snap. So what if you’ll meet death later and you’re just given an hour to live? How will you live it? Are you just going to spend it with your family & friends and do some dramatic farewell? Or just wait for the time of your departure alone?

Have you ever realized in your life what have you done for all those years that you’ve live? Did you live your life well? Did you meet your life’s purpose? What if you didn’t? What will you do? Have you found joy in your life? Have you found out what true love really means? Are you happy? What if you’re not?


Friend, this is just a simple reminder that every second that you live is important, not only for yourself but also for the people around you. I hope that starting tomorrow when you wake up, you’ll thank Him that you are still alive and still given a chance to make your life worthwhile & make your remorse lessen even a bit. Give a lot of chance for those people who have hurt you in the past and still hurting you in your present to be forgiven. Say sorry & admit your imperfections. Live for the glory of God and you won’t be lost.

It’s not too late to spend your life on its best.
You just have to learn to take His hand and journey well.

No Photoshop

It is good to be back. Just so you know, our computer got fucked up again. Yes. It did happen again, but thank God that it is now fixed. The technician, reformat it and upgrade it to a new model. And you know what sucks? I don’t have Adobe Photoshop at this moment. And I dunno when will I get that application again. Even if I have an installer I find it hard to install it on our desktop. So if there’s anyone there generous enough to teach me how, it will be a great help for me.

Or: Is there a site where can I download Adobe Photoshop with its crack?
I think it’s easier to install? Shiiz! Help naman *sad face*

Hey Monday!

I hate Mondays. Why? Well I think it is because it cuts my fantasy of resting and sleeping for the whole days of weekend. Not mentioning the thought of the hassle to travel back and forth from Bulacan to Manila.

After class, I went to Mel’s dorm at Dapitan. I taught her some techniques about Adobe Photoshop. I do some camwhoring using her Nikon D80 ^^ Woot! Fun much. Check out my Multiply site so you’ll see the proof. I’ve upload so many photos of today awhile ago. So comments are love baby. :D

Dondon even texted me awhile ago, he shared some of his problems and I did my best just to confort him. Sad. His phone has no charge so we just talked for a short time. I can’t wait for Saturday. I miss him so much.**insert sad face here*

Daniel Radcliffe is love ^^

I’ve been an outdoor rat last week. Went to photo shoot with Vinessa at Intramuros last Friday. And went to Cinema with Dondon to watched the coffin. Actually, it was really Transformers2 Revenge of the Fallen that we should watch. But since that many people are dying to watch it too at that same day like the line of the viewers for the next screening was like a snake crumpled in a circle, we decided to watch The Coffin instead. It was a Japanese “horror” movie. It’s quite nice but not that interesting so better not watch it. Hahaha. Mean much? LOL.

Dondon and I are going to the theatres again this coming Saturday. I hope that fate will forbid us to watch Transformers na. Hahhaha. And oh, Harry Potter’s 6th movie is fast approaching. I really can’t wait to see it. As I watched the trailer, I was amazed that Harry has a new love interest in the upcoming movie. And also Ron huh? LOL. Excited mucchhhh!

This past summer I’ve been a movie buff. I loved the thought of watching different kind of movies, and have to learn something from it. It’s really nice, I think. ^^
Witwiwww~ I also got addicted with the Harry Potter Movie Series, like it really pushed me to buy a DVD Copy of all those 5 movies. =))) Hahahha. And now, I can’t wait for my cousin’s van container from Myanmar to arrive here in our country coz he got a complete set of Harry Potter books, and I will surely borrow it from him and read. ^^ Oh I so love Daniel Radcliffe as a Harry Potter. ^^ How I wish I’m his girl J LOL! SO damn ambitious! :D

Photo Shooooot!

I need a model for photo shoot.
From QC, Manila or Bulacan.
Male or Female, but I preferred female.

No service charge :)))))
Sagot nio lang dress && accessories.
This is just for fun..

So for those who want to be involve in activities like this,
this is yer chance :D
Tara leettttsss!


Contact me here:
09056676109


Visit && Add My Multiply Account:
http://bittercheska.multiply.com/
or just simply look for the links at the left side of my blog site.

"Salamat sayo Cheska co.."

Nakasama ko siya ngayon. Masaya na malungkot. Pero masaya pa rin.
Malamang hindi mo siya kilala, pero kilala kanya.
Takot ka? Wag na.
Hindi naman siya stalker oh kung ano.
Sadyang chinichismis lang kita sa kanya.

Marami akong realization sa araw na ito.
Una, pag showing ang Transformers, mahaba ang pila sa sinehan kahit 3 theatres na ang open para sa movie na yon.
Pangalawa, hindi nakakatakot ung The Coffin na movie. Pero horror movie pa rin daw siya.
Pangatlo, masarap pala ang shawarma. I mean yung may gulay. Sanay kasi ako sa All Meat.
Pangapat, sa Shawarma, berdeng kamatis yung nilalagay pero lasang orange na kamatis. Ang galing noh? Iba talaga pag kamatis! Humahanep.
Panglima, ang sakit pala pag di ka niya kiniss bago bumaba ng jeep. (x_x) So emo like fucckkk! Pero shempre dumadrama lang.
At panganim, pwede na kong gabihin umuwi. Hindi ako pinagalitan. Dahil may supot ako ng SM. Pasalubong sa kanila. Pero suhol talaga yon.


Ang bait talaga ni Lord.
Kasi dahil sa dami ng ginagawa ko, binigyan pa rin niya ko ng oras para sa sarili ko, para sa kanya at para samen. :)) At kahit 1:19PM na sha dumating kahit 12:30PM ang usapan, ok naman. Better late than never daw.

I S P E Y S

Sa bawat puting buhok na binunot ko kanina sa ulo ng aking ina. Mas lalo ko lang nakita ang agwat namin. Tumatanda na siya, pati rin ako. Bawat segundo na hinihinga ko ngayong araw ay dumaragdag sa pagtanda sa buhay na nilaan sa akin. Nakakapanghinayang lang ang mga segundo, minuto at oras na sinayang ko para humiga, humilata at tumambay. Pero minsan binibigyan hustisya ko pa rin ang pagiging tamad. Tinawag ko na lang ito na pahinga.

Bawat tao napapagod. Iba iba man ang sitwasyon ng mga buhay natin. Darating at darating rin tayo sa punto ng pagkakapareho. Punto na lahat tayo at titigil para mag-pa-hi-nga. Nakakapagod kung paulit ulit. Nakakapagod pag maraming ginagawa. Nakakaumay yung galaw ka ng galaw.Diba Minsan nakakasawa na? Diba Minsan parang ginagawa mo na lang ang isang bagay sa kadahilanang kelangan mong gawin ito, oh kaya'y gagawin mo na lang ito na ang nasa isip ay darating ang araw na makakapagpahinga rin ako?



Bawat tao kelangan ng E S P A S Y O --

Pero sa lahat ba ng minsan na nabasa mo,
minsan ba eh naisip mong nakakapagod, nakakasawa at nakakaumay rin magpahinga?

Para Sayo 'to Dada!

Direkta

Mga alas onse ng umaga,
ikaw ang palaging kasama.
Sa maliit na eskinita,
Nagkukwentuhan at tumatawa.

Isa ka sa matalik na kaibigan.
Isa sa mga taong maaasahan.
Ni walang kasawaan,
sa ano mang di pagkakaintindihan.

Ngayon at tayo'y nagkalayo.
Simula ng aking siphayo.
Bahagi ng aking buhay desastro,
umaasenso sa aking puso.


Nakakapangulila ang mawalan,
kahit na panandalian.
Ng isang tulad mong kaibigan,
na tinuring ko ng isang kaligayahan.



---------
I made this poem for my friend, Daryl Jane.
I miss her bigtime. :'((

Pasensya

Para kong nililiha sa bawat sandali na kinokompronta mo ko. Tila wala akong ginawang mabuti.
Oo, sadyang mahina lang ako. Bumibigay sa bawat singhal ng malakas na hangin na dumarating. Ninais kong magbago at tumayo sa kabila ng sigaw sa paligid. Nilinlang ko ang sarili kong mga mata sa mga bagay na gusto kong makita. Isa ka sa mga bagay na pinanghinayangan ko, mga bagay na gusto ko noon hanggang ngayon pero hindi ko kinukuha.

Paano ko makikita ang metapora kung hindi mo titignan ang mga simili ng buhay?
Mga personipikasyon na kahit anong iwas natin ay hindi mawawala?
Hinihila mo ko pababa, minsan nama'y hinahayaang lumipad at damhin ang hangin sa himpapawid.
Pinaramdam mo sakin ang hapdi ng ironika.

Hindi kita makita.
Hindi NA kita makita.
Hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin, pasensya.

Q&A

I also posted my blog about Blog Ethics on my Multiply.
And I just want to share this with you:

xxxchypyxxx wrote today at 9:40 AM

"i truly agree with it...well most bloggers do not think first what they are really blogging and worst, they are ending up with unappropriate words like f*ck,sht,bitch ( unethical languages)...it should be kept in mind that blogging is a public realm and so people could read what you have stated....okey, I also admit then my fault :) im also using those words but now ths would serve as an eye opener for me to be more respnsble and be more cautios enough w/ what im putting in the blog world :D"

bittercheska wrote today at 12:04 PM

"Well I think using those words are okay. Dont forget that blogging is an online diary, the only difference is, the public can read it. Those words are normal for people like us. Even I used those kinds of words. Ethics do not curtail our freedom of expression, we just have to consider some things"

It Sucks Bigtime!!

So I’m torn between being indecisive and being practical. I want to join the network marketing company UNO to gain money. But I doubt for so many things, I’m scared what if I’m not able to invite anyone? My 4,800 will be wasted. But my friend Stephen kept on convincing me that he and the group will help me.

Being practical, I only get this money from my friends. In short, they just let me borrow this money and time will come that I need to pay them back. But suddenly, my cellphone got fucked up this morning, I don’t know what happened but it turned black. And when I try to slide it, it became like a colored TV with the ROYGIVIB colors. I thought that maybe the ribbon’s cellphone got fucked up or the LCD. Last April, I went to SM with my mom to get this phone fixed. Now again? Arrrggg! It will cost me almost 2k. That’s a lot. But since I went to Recto before going home, I came across with this cellphone repair shop, they offer me 600 bucks to fix my phone if the problem is the ribbon or the flex. And if it is not, they said that I should ready a thousand to fix for the LCD. Errrr. I am really so damn pissed off about it.

Money really turns our world around. I wonder why God didn’t allow my family to be rich so I will not have this kind of problem. But in fairness, comparing to others life problems, mine is simpler. :D And I am thankful for that.

Blog Ethics

I came across an article, which talks about blogging ethics early this morning on our University’s official paper, The Varsitarian. It features some of the most well known Journalists like John Nery. There, they talked about the thin line between blogging and journalism. They emphasized that not all bloggers are journalist at the same time. And the ethics in journalism is not the same with the blogging ethics code. It is just a revision of the journalist ethics code.

They pointed out some of the effects that blogging can do in someone’s life. The article said that, “Responsible bloggers should recognize that they are publishing words publicly, and therefore have certain obligations to their readers, the people they write about, and society in general.” I agree much with this, because I know a lot of people who do not know about these basic things in blogging and I hope that they will read this and will serve as an eye opener for them. One more thing about blogging is, one must provide a feedback loop so wrong information can be corrected and opinions can be heard.

A blogger must remember, “The web has a long memory. Almost everything you put there can still be found even if you have already erased them.” True enough. Based on my experienced, one of my blog when I was on High School has been a medium of gossips and even lead for people to be mad at me at that time. Even though that I erased that blog, they kept on talking about it, even my teachers and it really freaks me out up to the bones. My gawwdd! And you know what’s the hardest part of dealing with this situation? It is the time when you need to explain everything at the same time for so many times just for them to understand. But regrets does not come in my vision on that time rather I’ve learned some lessons that I should be more careful in using words when I blog. Well I hope that my readers will have their too when they read this.

“In the end it is up to the individual bloggers to choose their own best practices.”
-Cyberjournalist.net

First Day High

I just woke up from my afternoon nap. Today was my first day of school as a 3rd year Marketing student in our University. I am now taking major subjects in Business Administration. I can say that so many things have changed, from my 3M2 block mates, only Amiel, Kenneth and Catherine was the only persons I know in this section even though that there are so many familiar faces in our rooms, up to finding it hard to spend some time for my best friends due to conflicts of schedule. Errr. >.<

Supposedly, I got 4 classes today. But only 1 out of my 4 professors showed up. He’s Mr. Roger, our Prof. In English 103(Business Communication). I think he’s nice and not that “terror” kind of teacher. I even met him in my way home.

After spending 3 hours more of my life in that room. I went with Valia to meet her sister in UST Carpark, there in Reyes Barbeque we ate lunch with Anne, Tin and Maymay. My best of friends, KP and Daryl did not make it because their class will be on 3PM-7PM so it’s too early for them to come over. Maybe tomorrow I’ll wait for them.

Before going home, my friend Rhoanne suddenly showed up from my back and gave me a present for my debut last April. I’m so happy because even though 2 months has passed she didn’t forget to give something for me. I’m touched actually. Hahahah.

Tomorrow will be a new day again. I wonder if my professors will show up. Hope they will, I’m excited to meet them actually. J

Flavor Of The Month

What if he just loves you right now? And if he got you pregnant, he'll deny you for everything and left you with nothing? Just like what he did to her. Rude, right?

(c) Inspired by a girl whom I just know.
She's in a relationship now with a guy which I think that "not-that-right" for her.
That guy left her ex girlfriend coz he got her pregnant. So rude.

Realization

Since I was a kid, I know that being patient is somewhat impossible for me to do.
But when I got 18, I convinced myself that I should learn to be patient, because in this world, there are things that are worth waiting for.

When I got to be in a relationship with Dondon, I am quite sure that it will not last long. Maybe a week or two, everything will be over. But to my surprise, we are heading for our first monthsary next week. I know that it’s too early for me to rejoice ‘cause there are so many things that can happen still. But this day will be one of the unforgettable days I have with him. In this day, I’ve proven myself that I am totally capable of understanding the feeling of others especially my partner and I am capable to be patient. Thanks to Dondon for making me realize all of this.

In our relationship, I believe that we let each other grow in a way that we want ourselves to grow. He’s not just my boyfriend but my best friend as well, and in his part I believe that I took those role too. I understand him the way he wanted to be understood and vice versa. We do not take each other for granted. And we just let simple arguments pass by.
We spend everyday of our lives with laughter. And when the time comes that we had a fight, we just listen to each other and be sorry for everything then forget about it.

Maybe this time, I can tell myself that finally, I grew up enough to face anything.
I may not be that full geared but in a way I knew that I grew matured enough to understand and handle things the way it should be handled especially when it comes into a relationship.

Hope everyday will be as fine as today.

Keep Your Friends Close

It is nice to know that I have friends, those who are true and willing to help incase of need. I am so thankful to God about that. But it is nicer when I have turned an enemy to a friend. Especially when that someone is used to be my friend or someone who is close to my heart.

I know that I used to be a bully or someone who is not-that-nice-girl. I was silly and shallow. But I believe that we all going to pass a stage in our life that we have to lose what we’ve got, whom we’ve got, be criticized and be swallowed by the society just to realize that we are doing something wrong. And that stage of my life has finally ended. I’ve lost so many friends and evenly mistakenly judged by other people whom I didn’t know. But now, I’ve realized everything. Yes, the damage is done and it will be hard to bring back everything that we’ve shared. But at least, we have forgiven each other and we are willing to built back what have been lost step by step.

Dumbledore once said, “Keep your friends close...”
It’s not that as easy as it was said, but it will be, if we know how to handle them well.

The Fifth Mountain

3:07 AM:
Just finished reading The fifth Mountain by Paulo Coelho. (Well actually it's been 2days since I finished this book, I'm just too lazy to write something about it.)

These are my favorite part of the books:

"A child can always teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires."

"Sadness does not last forever when we walk in the direction of that which we always desired."

" "Is it always necessary to leave?"
"It's always necessary to know when a stage of one's life has ended. If you stubbornly cling to it after the need has passed, you lose the joy and meaning of the rest."

"And everyone is weak when faced with suffering. When tragedy occurs, let people fend for themselves."

Isn't it ironic?

So now I know how life can be so ironic. When the wide horizon up above let the rain pour down in the Earth, my mood will change over and over again. Oh Of course I so love the rain, it brings me something that I can't explain that made my mood in an euphoric one. And ironically, I hate it at the same time, coz it ruins our Globe broadband signal that result to "page load error" to pop up in my screen every time I try to surf the web.

Second was, I have this friend who always calls on me when she has a problem especially when it comes to her boyfriend. And I am so surprised about the advices that I gave her, it felt like I am so that "experienced" that I know what's the best thing for her to do. What ironic was, when it comes to my own heart problem, I am so idle and blank to give some sensible advice.

Truly that life is unfair and ironic as well.
But the only direction is to move forward.
Life is tough; but we can be tougher.

Minimum Fare

This day was a very tiring one. Me and my mom went to UST to enroll for my 3rd year in college. Since I am now majoring in Marketing, I got my conforme's list before I went to the enrollment's office. Super hassle coz my bestfriends are sooo late so I need to get their conformes too. So yeah, thank God that they came before I start hyperventilating because of pressure and super duper heat!

What's best about this day was I got to ride again the "lipad" jeep of Blumentrit, it was like you got a free ride of Enchanted Kingdom's Space Shuttle and listened to music as if you were wearing a headphone with volume turned up so high. All of these for P7.00 minimum fare. Hahaha. What I fancy about these was, I honestly missed doing this kind of stuff. 2months of vacation means I've been idle in the Urban world. And I am so happy that as soon as June 9 arrived, I am baccckkkk again to the world I wished to belong since gradeschool.

After school, we went to Trinoma to buy a pair of school shoes and a pair of uniform for my brother. My feet was drastically wrecked. Hahahah. Ang saket super. Pero mas masakit pag walang paa. So okay na yon diba?

"Life for me is not the sameeeee..."
Lss ako sa How Do I breathe eh?

Condemnation

I wrote this last night when I got pissed off by the Gm's that I am receiving from one of my former blockmates. Nagpaparinig kasi, and I find it O.A na and lame kasi he's a "he" so parang ang lame di ba? I'm happy naman kasi when I sent this via GM he replied, natamaan naman sha. Hahahha! :D

"One should not condemned others on how they run their lives. If they made mistakes, let them. If they hurt others, so? It's their karma anyways. Why bother?"

Let's talk about love.

It's exactly 8:43 PM and our family is watching this Filipino version of Koreanovela "Only You".
What caught my attention about this show was, when the leading lady Angel Locsin had an argument with TJ which role was played by Sam Milby. The argument was all about love, if what love means for them.

Angel said..
"Kung mahal mo ang isang tao, handa kang masaktan makita lang siyang masaya.."
Is it really love? Is this love what is all about?


For me, it's more of a sacrifice. Even though that we can say that sacrifice is a form of love.
But for me, love is not all about sacrifice and martirdom.
When you love, there is hapiness that can go beyond all the pain. You are free.
You don't have to bother yourself about anything and about someone's renunciation even if it's about someone you love.

Love is not like that. It is not allowing yourself to be hurt. It's not about being selfless.
Yes, pain is inevitable when it all comes to loving someone. But love is not all about pain.
And it is more important to love yourself more.

Love Bein' Stupid

Thank God there's a webcam :) Hhahahah.
This is really the best remedy for boredom in my world.

Before bedtime

Out of boredom, I got some contact lens pictures from deviantart and tried it on my pictures.
Hahahahha. I can't find something to do at 3:58 in the morning. I bet that in a few minutes Ate Lyn(the maid) will be awake soon and I need to be asleep before she catch me still online in this wee hours. Hahahha.

Later I'll be off to Bocaue to visit Dondon.
I hope there will be no moodswings attack so we can enjoy every minute that we are together. :)




Woof!
I'm off to sleep ^^.

Life is unfair

Some people mistakenly look attachment as love.
Attachment in a way that they've been with someone for a long time now--long enough that they've shared so many moments together and that convinced themselves that it is love.

I myself even have times like this in my life. And every time that this will happen. I just can't simply ignore it just like that. I admit that I am a bit paranoid, and when confusion starts to bother me, prayer is the best remedy that I know.
I do cry sometimes, even though that crying doesn't help anyone to do anything.
It just helps us to blurt bad things out on our system.

So yeah. We are talking about attachment.
And I can't explain anything about it.
Hahahha sorry. :)

I just have this friend that has a problem with that kind of thingy.
And what a small world, the guy that she's into it is the same guy that I do have some "contact" with. You know what I mean. :)

We are on the same boat.
But I can say that I can manage myself well and handle things when this situation got out of hand and the boat start to sink. Tsk!

Life is very unfair.
Really unfair.

Stayed Up Late again!

So I'm doing it again-staying up late at night.
It's exactly 3:03 in the morning but I'm still here online doing some nonsense stuffs.
I can't sleep, well the truth is I can. But I choose not to. Reason? I honestly don't know. maybe it's just a bad habit that I can't control.

June is fast approaching. Some says that June 8, our class will start. Some of my block mates have already seen their schedule, well I hope that I can see mine as soon as possible. I got my account on E-leap be activated with the help of my classmate Antonette, and she told me that I should wait the confirmation letter that will be send in my email. But unfortunately, until now. I haven't receive any email yet. Sad. Arrrggg!

I got pissed off so many times today, and I just find it interesting to say it.
Well, not including the reasons huh? Coz honestly, I can't remember why. Maybe it's moodswings or whatsoever.

But still, I find this day a great one.
I'm back on Restaurant City and on Pet Society.
Gawwd! I miss playing these games. It sucks coz our computer can't handle such applications. Tsss. I suggested to my dad that if we can buy a new one, but he refused. Tsss. Duuuh? It's so luma na kaya at super naghahang pa. Nakakainis na nga gamitin minsan eh! Hmp!
So much for that.


Last Thursday night, I went to Bambang to visit my old friends.
Naginuman kami don, I met new set of friends. Almost boys. 2 lang kaming girl dun eh.
Masaya naman kasi matagal na rin akong di nakakainom, saka nandon si Dondon ih. My so-called boyfriend at this time. :) I really had a great time with these guys and I'm looking forward for more moments with them. Lalo na ngayon na malapit na ko sa kanila.

So yeah, after Bocaue. Iw ent straight naman dito sa Bunsuran. As usual, online na naman ako sa kahit anong oras ko gustuhin. Pero wag ka! Naghirap din ako bago makapagOL noh! Kasi kakagawa lang ng CPU so nakabaklas pa sha pagdating ko. I assembled it, and Good! Nahirapan ako huh? Pero nakeri naman kaya ok lang. :)
I think masaya naman mga tao dito kasi may computer na ulit sila hahahha.

And the finale.
Hmmm. Philippines is now infected with the virus h1n1.
It was brought here in the country by a child from America. Sad.
Kala ko ligtas na tayo pero di pala.

At hindi lang yan, all over the news was the scandal of Katrina Halili and Dr. Haydhen Kho. It was all about their sex video and other videos of Kho having sex with different celebrities and model.
Almost every news show featured this issue so I'm getting fed up with these.
Tsss.

Pinapalake nila kasi mashado ung issue eh.
So what if mayron sex video si Katrina Halili? Duuuh she's a sexy star, she even posed almost nude in a men's magazine. Magulat sana sila if si Sarah G. yun right?
Tsk!

Am I making sense?
Hope so.

Kris Allen [American Idol of 2009]

So America Finally decided who's the nest American Idol. And in this season, Kris Allen made a spectacular win over Adam Lambert.

These two is such a great competitors.
But Adam Lambert, for me, ahhhmm, is not that good singer. Why? He only knows the high chords, the rock songs and ballad. But Allen, is an "all-around-artist".
Kahit saan mo siya ilagay, he'll perform it well. May puso. Unlike Adam, parang lagi na lang nasa competition. No offense meant with those LAMBERTIANS huh? Hahahha.

So yeah, ang sayasaya ko.
Bet ko si Kris eh, tas super crush ko pa siya ng bonggang bongga.


Some says na mas sisikat pa si Adam Lambert kasi ganon naman daw talaga palage?
Ung pangalawa ung sumisikat. HAHAHHAHA.
Well ,let's see na lang. :) Masyado pa maaga para magjudge ng ganon.

Lame-Ohhsss! :)

Sympathy

So almost everyone's going loco with this Haydhen Kho and Katrina HAlili's Sensual slash Sex Scandal video. First of all, do I get MR. Kho's name correctly spelled? Hahaha. If not, sorry.

As far as I know, those videos has 3 parts.
1st Video - Haydhen & Katrini is having a sensual dance in the tune of Careless Whisper, I have that video on this Account.
2nd Video - Is the sex video.
3rd Video - Is Haydhe Kho with other Brazillian Model and the another woman.

I've watched the first two videos and I felt very awful for Katrina.
She was totally wrecked as an actress and as a woman as well.
Tsk! Tsk!

Sad.

Society is like salt water.
Good to swim in but hard to swallow.

Insight

Life is Tough;
But you can be tougher.

Subic

Saturday; May16 2009
Subic; All Hands Beach; Royal; PureGold; Chowking, San Fernando.

Saturday.
No sleep at all.
4:00AM ang calltime, nagDVD marathon na lang ako. ng Harry Potter.
3:30Am, nagbihis na ko. 4:00AM nagising si Daña. 4:30AM dumating ung sundo.

Diretso kami sa Duhat para sunduin sila Mama.
Then off to Subic na. :) Una punta muna sa Olongapo Proper, nakakatuwa ung palengke don may nakalagay sa bubong "Bawal ang tamad sa Olongapo" Natawa kami ni Gab, bawal pala kami don. HAHAHAH.

Sinundo namen si Tita Beth. ung kumare ni Ninang na may asawa sa All beach resort. Kaya yun libre kami lahat. Ang saya, simula umaga hanggang hapon kami nakababad dun sa beach. Kaya eto, ulikba na ko. :( Super sunburn pa.

After pa magswimming mindgraine ang inabot ko. As in super sakit. Parang binibiyak. :( Huhuhuhu. Hanggang ng makauwi na kami. Super sakit pa din. Not mentioning ung sakit sa ulo na binigay ng CHowking crew saken, ang tangatanga kasi, mali mali ung order namen. Tapos na yung ibang kumain kulang pa din yung samen. Init tuloy ng ulo nila mama at Ninang.

Ayon.
Nakakapagod pero masaya.
Dameng camera, iba't ibang klase pa. HAHAHAHA
SLR, Digicam, Camphone at kung anoano pa.
Syempre ako naman lagi ang utusan pag kuhanan na eh kaya minsan wala ako sa pics :(:( Pfft =/

Anyways...
Fisrt time ko nakapagbeach, puro bitch kasi nakikita ko eh.
HHAHAH.

Pictures are available at my Multiply.

Dig

These days, I've been addicted to one of Incubus great hits "Dig".
I viewed it's video in Youtube and read some of the comments there, some says that it's great, it's a wow and the lyrics is too strong that it doesn't need a video to interpret.

For me, it's nice.
Very nice and soulful.

Here's the Lyrics:
INCUBUS - DIG LYRICS

We all have a weakness
But some of ours are easy to identify.
Look me in the eye and ask for forgiveness;
We'll make a pact to never speak that word again
Yes you are my friend.

We all have something that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when weakness turns my ego up
I know you'll count on the me from yesterday

If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me
Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.

We all have a sickness
That cleverly attaches and multiplies
No matter how we try.

We all have someone that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine.

If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.

Oh each other....
When everything else is gone.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ohh
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh

If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.

Oh each other....
When everything else is gone.
Oh each other....
When everything else is gone.

Thursday

Ngayon lang sinipag magOnline at mag-update ng Blogs. :)
Last Thursday, namiesta kami ni mama sa Lolomboy. Dapat hindi na ko sasama kasi tinatamad na ko, saka ginising ako ng maaga eh ang usual gising ko ngayong bakasyon eh 12:30PM. Pero dahil na rin sa kasibaan, tumuloy pa rin ako.

Madameng pagkaen.
Tipong di ka magugutom ng 5 araw kung dun ka nakatira.
Ang saya noh?
Pero malungkot sa part ko, di naman kami nakatira dun eh. HAHAHAHA :))

After non, diretso kami sa SM.
Nagwithdraw ng pera at bumili ako ng bleach para sa buhok.
I'm planning to make my hair in pink before June. So yown.

Nagmamadali kami kasi gusto ko abutan yung American Idol.
Kasi nun na iaanoounce yung top2 eh.
Ayon, natanggal si Gowkey.
Sad :(
Si Lambert at si Allen tuloy.

So I'll go for Allen na lang.
Gay daw si Lambert? HAHHA >.<
Saka masyado siyang pet ni Cowell. :)

Happily never after

It is very difficult to accept that somethings in life will never go back to the way it is used to be. Even if you put all your might to fix things up, there will always be a "Just-let-them-be" part.
And this part of the story, I cried.

I always wanted to have a simple but happy life.
A happy and complete family.
But now, actually since the beginning, even though they acted as if everything was doing great and nothing was wrong, I knew that there is some flaws that should be settled.

Since then, I devoted myself to strive and do everything for them--just to keep them intact.
I became deaf for their quarrels.
I became blind for all the messages that I read that both of them have different affairs.
I tried so hard to act as if I don't know everything.
I always prayed at night that my family will still be a family.


I know that there is still a chance, and I know that they are trying so hard to fix everything just for me and for my brother's sake. And I still hope that everything will be fine as if nothing happened.

I know everything.
And I cannot do anything about it.
I am too scared to move coz maybe I might do something wrong and make it worse.
I don't know. I want to talk to them, to the people that they are with and tell them that I am hurting so much. Me and my brother are hurting silently.
Gawd! It really digs us up to the bone.
(I know that this was the reason why my brother gone bad and do rebelled.
I cannot blame him. I myself even thought of doing some crazy stuff, but I stopped myself coz I know that I should be responsible enough.)

Lord Forgive me, for...
I want to curse the people that they are with.
Those people who pushed them away from us-from each other.
I want to kill them-literally.
I want to tear them into pieces.
I want them to feel what my brother and I was feeling each and every night since this happened.

I am just a child, Lord.
Fragile.
Weak.
Confused.
and..
hurting..

I just long for the family that I used to grow up with.
Please make it happen again..
even just for a day. :((