Happily never after

It is very difficult to accept that somethings in life will never go back to the way it is used to be. Even if you put all your might to fix things up, there will always be a "Just-let-them-be" part.
And this part of the story, I cried.

I always wanted to have a simple but happy life.
A happy and complete family.
But now, actually since the beginning, even though they acted as if everything was doing great and nothing was wrong, I knew that there is some flaws that should be settled.

Since then, I devoted myself to strive and do everything for them--just to keep them intact.
I became deaf for their quarrels.
I became blind for all the messages that I read that both of them have different affairs.
I tried so hard to act as if I don't know everything.
I always prayed at night that my family will still be a family.


I know that there is still a chance, and I know that they are trying so hard to fix everything just for me and for my brother's sake. And I still hope that everything will be fine as if nothing happened.

I know everything.
And I cannot do anything about it.
I am too scared to move coz maybe I might do something wrong and make it worse.
I don't know. I want to talk to them, to the people that they are with and tell them that I am hurting so much. Me and my brother are hurting silently.
Gawd! It really digs us up to the bone.
(I know that this was the reason why my brother gone bad and do rebelled.
I cannot blame him. I myself even thought of doing some crazy stuff, but I stopped myself coz I know that I should be responsible enough.)

Lord Forgive me, for...
I want to curse the people that they are with.
Those people who pushed them away from us-from each other.
I want to kill them-literally.
I want to tear them into pieces.
I want them to feel what my brother and I was feeling each and every night since this happened.

I am just a child, Lord.
Fragile.
Weak.
Confused.
and..
hurting..

I just long for the family that I used to grow up with.
Please make it happen again..
even just for a day. :((