Understatement

My sense of direction is hopeless;
Of course I was happy about the sunlight. But that wasn't completely responsible for the euphoric mood I was in, not even close.


I think I got every thing in life now. And maybe this is what I deserved. Depression.
There was no rational explanation for how I was alive at this moment. As I watched tears rolling down through my face. I admit that I am really pathetic now. Not because of the things that are happening around me but because of how I handle it. Pain pulls me.

Love was never been an achievement for me.
I remembered the days that I'm on in an affair with "Blyn". I think it was never really an affair. It was more of an advocacy of two souls finding one compliment to hold on to. "A paradise we labeled wrong.." as Juj's poem goes.

Blyn taught me so many things about life. Even things that I considered simple have been complicated at all -because of him of course. He made me realize that I should grow as a person. Make dreams, but without him. Sad. Really sad.

He taught me to be strong especially in times that I lose control of the situation. The only person I can trust except God is myself. He said that ignore those people who ought to ruin my day for they were dying to have my attention. It's more of a command than a statement. So I stop being an enemy, but I accept the fact that I can never be a friend.

I told him that I considered myself just like the girls he had before. A bitch.
But he disagreed. He convinced me that I am far different from being a bitch or being whatever people wants to call me.. So I stop being a paranoid.


We decided to stop every thing that we had on that moment. He have commitments with another or should I say other girlS that he must accomplish. I eventually do the understanding. As usual.

I write because of him. No other reasons at all. He keeps on haunting me every now and then. I thought I am way over him, but actually. Im not. I was just livin' the thought of him; our memories behind my back then try to move forward.Unfortunately,I keep on looking back. His face continue to linger every night. The arousal from our love making doesn't fade yet. And I guess, it will never be.

I watched the rain drops falling down from the canopy of the trees outside. It was pure and gentle.So innocent. Here in the trees it was much easier to believe the absurdies that embarassed me indoors. And I hate dealing with it.

Now, Im leaving. I may forget every one, every thing but not him.
I am so certain about this. So certain that you can't even understand the way I understand things. I am not good on repressing bad things, maybe that's why. I have no further explanation for what I feel for him.I guess, this is more than enough.

I had loved him in so many different ways.
And the thought of giving up-I feel a sudden rush of anguish upon myself.
I am tired of escaping. I am tired of convincing myself that It's over.
Now, a sudden rush of agony feels me with the thought of this alternative.
Pale face. Cold skinned. Deeply in to him. That's all I want to be.
Nothing less. Nothing more..


To the girl that he's staying with:
UNDERSTAND HIM.
Time will come that you'll know about this.
But try to understand him first.
Learn to ask.
Everything happens for a reason.
And maybe that reason will justify everything....