Infected

I feel useless right at this moment. Seeing these people around me, of what they are doing, of what they have achieved, of what they have, of where they belong, I feel so small and worthless.

Recalling those hundreds of opportunities that I just let to pass my way, the time that I wasted on for nothing, a lot of money that I spent for useless things – all of these are summoned and are haunting me right now.

All the bad luck that I am experiencing, it really drives me fucking crazy! It feels like I am a discontented shit head slash schizophrenic of my generation. And I really pity myself for that.

Truly that human like me do not have any sense of contentment in her inner being. Despite of what I got and have, I still feel like this. I always wanted more of the most that I can do and have. I always wanted to get anything that I think that I want to have.

I don’t know.
I guess that my private demon is awoken and making me like this. He’s starting to eat my sense of contentment and make my direction hopeless. He’s threatening me and I felt fear for the first time in my life. Fear that I cannot go back in my usual way of thinking.
Sometimes I want to believe that I’m starting to be a lunatic finding her way in her sacred asylum.
But for the sake of my self’s integrity. I stop myself to fall on that conclusion. No one’s destined to fall right? And for now, the least thing that I can think of right now is I’m on a travel, on an astral travel… clinging on a thread to go back to reality.
This absurd thing made me smile… so I’ll stop.

School's cool

When I hear the word student, learning is the first thing that comes to my mind. It is a surest fact that being a student has a responsibility to do an enduring change not only in behavior but also in attitude and characteristics that result from experience.

I can still remember the first time that I set my foot on the ground of our university. It felt like I am already achieving something even though I haven’t done anything yet. Well, I think that is one of the best things that can happen for a student – to study in the school that they long dreamt to study.

As every day I pass by in our school premises, I realized that being a student can also mean, being a warrior. Warrior in a sense that, a student must battle on when it comes to participation and everyday assignments, take a big risk of her dignity on cheating just to pass the exams, meet failures in the form of failing grades and rejoice in victory of passing the subject.

But those ups and downs will not all be worth it and memorable without those people around you, your friends and sometimes also your professors. School is not a one-to-one ratio wherein,

School : Student

But likely rather than an equation wherein there will always be a way to balance things out.

School = Student + Hard work + friends/Professors


What we learn and continue to learn in school will always help us when it comes to dealing lifelong realities, and not only that, what and whom we gain in school will always be a part of our life that sometimes can bring us to success or bring us to nothing. There will always be a make or break point.


So why be a bummer and say school sucks? When in fact, school’s cool?

Happy 1st Monthsary

We didn't agree on much. In fact we rarely agreed on anything. We fought all the time and challenged each other everyday... But in spite of our differences, we had one important thing in common, we were crazy about each other.


Happy 1st Month :D

The poorest excuse

Even though that sometimes I have all the reasons in the world to give up on something, I will never do such thing. And even though I give up, it will be the same old story, I will always hold back.

Making decisions are the most painful part for me. The part I agonized the most. For I know that since I was a kid, I cannot stand on for my own decisions. I always cling on the other person’s decision or I will always have the thought in mind that what I have decided was not the best thing to do and was not the best thing for me. Hesitance always blocks my way. I will always think twice, thrice, and so many times until I get tired of thinking and throw away the purpose of that decision making. It has been always like this. No concrete thing in mind and nothing in mind to settle on.

Some says it was sort of cool, for you have all the power in the world to choose in the time you want to choose, to go if you want to go and leave in the time you want to leave. No plans at all. In a snap, what happens, happened. It’s quite easy for your self also. But there will always be the word, R E G R E T. And maybe that’s what the big reason behind of my disdained attitude towards decision making. I’m afraid to have regret for the things that I’ve decided to do. I don’t want to blame myself for whatever is the outcome of my decision. Its part of my defense mechanism I think.

And unfortunately, until this time I cannot address on this kind of malfunctioning in my mental aspect. It felt like all the neurons in my mind talked to each other then conspired to be like this forever. Hahah! Funny, but I think true. :DD This is the poorest excuse for what I'm doing,but it's still true.

Dan Scott

Somewhere along the line,
I started hurting the people I care most about,
and I can't figure out how to stop.

Favorite Love Quotes

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.."

"It's not about keeping your promises, and it's not about following your heart. It's about security."

": Do you think our love, can take us away together?
: I think our love can do anything we want it to"

"They didn't agree on much. In fact they rarely agreed on anything. They fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday... But in spite their differences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other."

"Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone."

"I could be fun, if you want. I could be pensive, uhh... smart, supersticious, brave? And I, uhh, I can be light on my feet. I could be whatever you want. You just tell me what you want, and I'm gonna be that for you."

"She had come back into his life like a sudden flame; blazing and streaming into his heart."

What is love?

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

-St. Augustine

I do not believe in saints, but I agree in this definition of love.

Goodmorning!

I'm so proud of myself because at last, after so many tries, I've done it na!
And it was nothing but me, no one taught me how to do this. Nakakatuwa kasi matagal ko ng gustong gumawa ng ganito but I don't know how. But now, dahil sa tyaga at konting pag-iisip nagawa ko na.

Yeeyy! D: Good talaga ang morning ko ngayon.
No bad PM's nor GM. Cool.

I hope I can be happy somewhere

I can't say yesterday was the worst,
but definitely it is one that hurts the most.

I am summoned by my law professor yesterday, And my boy was not in the good. What's frustrating was I don't know why. As we ate our lunch, I know that half of him was not with me.

I tried to cover things up by putting into topics whatever that crossed my mind, but still he's not with me. He just decided to embraced his silence.

After that "saddened" lunch, he asked me if he can go on our house on Sunday and not on Saturday which is the day that we agreed upon, because he's going to attend a group gathering in Parañaque on that day.. I want to say no but I do not have a choice. He is someone who do not take no for an answer. It should always be his decision that will prevail. And that put me more into confusion.

The sun sets and everything turned to darkness. I was convinced that all bad things are now over and I might call it a fair day. But I was wrong, I know that from the start I only half-own him, for he was still 'in' for his exgirlfriend. It was very painful to receive GM's from her ex telling every message that my boy sent to her on that same night. I cried and now, I still don't know what to expect. All I know is I'm hurting and trying to be okay.

Sa mundong ibabaw, siya lang ang ginusto ko.

"Naranasan mo na bang magmahal ng isang taong nasa tabi mo palagi, 'kayo' sa mata ng tao pero ibang babae ang nasa loob ng puso niya?"

Sa pagmulat ng mata ko sa liwanag na buhat ng sinag ng araw na tumagos sa maliit na butas ng bintana sa aking kwarto, unti-unti kong naunawaan na may panibago na naman akong araw para mabuhay. Nagpasalamat ako sa paraan ng pagdarasal at unti unting nag-unat.

Mahal ko ang taong katabi ko simula kagabi.
Wala akong nireklamo sa lahat ng hirap ng damdamin na pinaramdam niya simula ng kami'y nagkasama dahil sa hanggang ngayong hindi niya pa rin maiwan iwan ang kanyang nakaraan.

Sa bagong araw na ibinigay sa akin, panibagong pag-asa na naman ang umukopa sa aking puso.
Darating ang araw na buong buo kong masasabi na siya'y akin. Na bawat sinag ng araw na sumisilaw sa aking mata'y siya lang ang iisipin ko, hindi ako magsasawang umintindi.

Magmimistula akong ilog na dumadaloy ng walang humpay upang marating ang dagat na sa kanya'y naghihintay. Ako ang magiging dahilan kung bakit kami magiging matibay.
Hindi kami mabubuwag.

Sa mundong ibabaw,
siya lang ang ginusto ko.
Wala ng iba.

I want myself at my best

Sa tatlong araw na bakasyon ko kuno, narewind ko yung utak ko sa mga bagay na gusto kong pagtuunan ng pansin noon pa. Mahirap mag-isip lalo na para sa mga bagay na ayaw mo ng isipin dahil mahirap tanggapin.

Sa tatlong araw kong nakasama ang taong mahal ko. Marami siyang sinabi at kinuwento sa akin. Alam kong normal na yon samen, pero iba na kasi yung dating sa akin. Siguro tama siya nung sinabi niyang praning na siguro ako. Pero hindi ko naman masisisi sarili ko eh, sa dami ba naman ng naranasan kong masasakit sa lalaki sino ba namang hindi mapapraning? Hindi naman ako manhid.

Sa tuwing kinukwento niya yung past niya. Gusto kong manliit kasi alam ko na walang wala akong binatbat don, itsura pa lang 0% win na. Loser for short. Napakalayo ng agwat namin sa pag-iisip at pag-uugali. Hindi ko alam kung paano mahihigitan yun, sa simula pa lang na isipin ko eh parang imposible na.

Childish at immature ako minsan. Pinipigilan kong maging ganon para wala ng problema pero hindi ko pa rin mapigilan minsan. Parang nasa nature ko na talaga. Tsk! Ang hirap ng ganon, gusto kong maging katulad ng past niya, according nga sa kanya eh "kakaiba" "she got her own thing.." yung tipong ganon.

Gusto kong magbago para sa kanya.
Maging best para sakanya, para hindi niya ko iwan. :/

Very Touching..

"When the devil dares the world to be outstanding, my people will be the standards to be used!"

This is beautiful!




She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?'
The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry.. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'

Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'

The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.'

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son.=2 0She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more days with his Mom.' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.'

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

'Dear Mom,

I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You'. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day.. Someday we will see each other again.. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if y ou decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.
Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything.. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him ¡where was He when I needed him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone.. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.


(Let's see Satan stop this one.) Take 60 seconds and repost this, within the hour, you will have caused a multitude of believers to pray to God for each other. Then sit back and feel the Holy Spirit work in your life for doing what you know God loves 'When you¢re down to nothing, God is up to something.'
Email this. Title:
This is beautiful! Try not to cry.

Send this to 10 people in 2 minutes and you will feel the Holy Spirit brightening your life in just an hour

I have fallen in love (with the same woman three times)

I have fallen in love
with the same woman three times;
In a day spanning 19 years
of tearful joys and joyful tears.
I loved her first when she was young,
enchanting and vibrant, eternally new.
She was brilliant, fragrant,
and cool as the morning dew.
I fell in love with her the second time;
when first she bore her child and mine
always by my side, the source of my strength,
helping to turn the tide.
But there were candles to burn
the world was my concern;
while our home was her domain.
and the people were mine
while the children were hers to maintain;
So it was in those eighteen years and a day.
’till I was detained; forced in prison to stay.
Suddenly she’s our sole support;
source of comfort,
our wellspring of Hope.
On her shoulders felt the burden of Life.
I fell in love again,
with the same woman the third time.
Looming from the battle,
her courage will never fade
Amidst the hardships she has remained,
undaunted and unafraid.
she is calm and composed,
she is God’s lovely maid.

This song is popularized by Jose Mari Chan.
Lyrics is made by Ninoy Aquino for his wife Cory Aquino.
Nice song. Very meaningful.

TwenyOne

Isa sa mga pinakamagandang araw sa buhay ng tao ang makasama ang taong pinakamamahal nila. Hindi lang isang araw kung hindi isang linggo at apat na araw pa. Nakakatuwa talaga siyang kasama kasi walang kyeme, at pareho kaming walanghiya. Pogi siya, matakaw at may super powers. Puro pa kami pustahan. Lagi naman siyang talo.

Nanghuhuli pa kami ng garapata. Nilalagay sa gaas tas susunugin.
Ang dami ko nga nalaman eh, 52 seconds bago mamatay ang isang garapata pag nilagay mo sa gaas, eto yung strong kind. Pag weak kind naman mga 15 seconds lang tumitiklop na at dedo na. So much for garapata thingy. Sorta gross! :D

Tumitibok ang puso ni Intoy ng 72 beats kada minuto.
Hindi ako sure kung normal kasia ng alam kong normal beats per minute ng tao eh 80.
Tas takot siya sa gagamba. Mind you! Sa oras na makakakita siya non tumitili siya. Nasipa pa niya ko dahil sa takot. Hahahah!
Nabibingi siya pag walang music sa tenga niya, kung bakit ay hindi ko alam.

May photoshoot pala ng model ng TJMA pageant kanina pero hindi ako informed kahit tinext daw ako ni Ate Eya kaya wala akong dalang cam. Nakakafrustrtae. Pfft! Pero may Monday pa naman eh kaya ayos lang yan. Hahaha.


PS: Nakakafrustrate dahil hindi ako umabot sa deadline ng The Varsitarian sa short story making.