Boys will always be boys

Boys will always be boys. They will play even if everything around them is serious and complicated. They will not be that complex unlike girls. When it comes to a relationship, there are still boys that will go and find flings even if they have girlfriend or even wives. They will still find another “flavor” to try on.

But as long as they love you, even though that they will meet a lot of girls and find thousands of flings. At the end of the day, they will still go back to you. They will still come home where their heart belongs… And I think that what really matter, right?
It is not all about finding faults and making mistakes. It is all about you and him.

What about girls?
We just need to listen, understand and trust them.
And sometimes.. Forgive.

This love is difficult; but it's real

This week has been a great week for me. God never really fails to prove me that when we lose something or someone there will always be a great thing that will come for you, a hundred percent sure that this is better than your past. I’ve been with him for 6days straight, never ending and super over flowing love that I’ve felt was really the best price that I’ve received from all the heartaches and pain of my past. He never let me down since before and when he has given a chance to make everything better, he did it,

Jesus, (that’s what his real name) gave me the reason to smile again. The surest fact that I am with him all the way this last week was the best ever week of my life! I don’t know, I just can’t explain how it feels. It was like I’m having butterflies in my stomach, so cheesy that all I can do but smile.

Life will never be fair for us, but when we meet someone that will make everything of our undertakings go smooth flowing, it will be worth to take the risk and make life more complicated.


“What’s life without taking risk??”
-Sirious Black ; Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix

Make it slow but nice..

Nung isang linggo nabigyan ako ng pagkakataon na turuan yung mga balikbayan kong pinsan ng Math. Algebra to be exact. Yung addition at subtraction ng integers. Aaminin ko, hindi ko alam yon. I mean hindi ko gamay yang add at subtract sa Algebra. I love numbers but I hate Math ang drama ko. Nakakalito naman kasi pag iba iba na ng signs ang inaadd mo at sinusubtract.
Pero nakaisip ako ng technique *Thank God after 3 years in college nagkaroon ako ng technique sa Algebra* Technique ko, kahit iplus o minus man ang iba ibang signs, dapat may principle ka ng "first things, first.." Yung tipong isa isa dapat, pagsamasamahin yung magkakapareho, kunwari sa kanan muna ung negative at sa kaliwa yung positive. Tas gawin mo yung instruction kung add ba o subtract at saka don mo lang icombine yung sagot sa dalawa. Madali lang pala pag ganoon.
Parang sa buhay lang eh, hindi dapat minamadali ang mga bagay. May tamang proseso lahat yan, unti untiin muna at maayos ang kakalabasan. Mentras kasing nagmamadali'y mentras ring pumapalpak.

Di ba?

Introduction's really making me sick

I just got home from school. It was a great day except that I had an instant interview with this organization on our school. I am applying to be one of their Junior Officer and It’s necessary for me to take an interview so I did it. What really shocked me was the first thing that she made me do/say it. “Introduce yourself briefly…” And I was like “Fuck! What the hell??!!”*>.<*

As a matter of fact I really hate introductions, especially if I am going to introduce myself. The main reason is I find it hard to choose the right words that best suites me and my personality. It felt like nothing really in me was normally functioning and no words can describe it. And if I try to make an introduction I always ended up saying nonsense things about me, like what are the things that I love and hate, what are my favorite foods, colors, book, songs, etc. See how bum I am for such thing? I Pity myself for that. Argghh! *u* I am not really making sense right?

What worst is, I still don’t know to address this kind of problem.
Tsss.

Love destroyed me once

"Hapi mansary,
nagpapasa lang ako para
mabait ka.


Ingat ka palagi ha?
Happy mansari 17 =l"

Alas dos ng umaga ko nabasa yang text na yan kahapon. Nakakapanglumo kasi kahit isang linggo na ang nakalipas, mahirap pa rin tanggapin na may mga bagay na sadyang hanggang doon na lang talaga. Yung tipong kahit ano mangyare, kahit maghimala o umulan man ng pera eh hinding hindi na mababago.

Mahirap intindihin ang mga bagay na hindi naman pinapaintindi sayo, pero dahil sa wala kang choice iintindihin at iintindihin mo pa rin. Yun yung naramdaman ko ng naghiwalay kami. Pero keme lang! Keri pa naman. Inisip ko na lang na may mga bagay na dapat tapusin tulad ng relasyon sa isang taong mahal mo sa kadahilanang kelangan niyong mag grow. Yun nga lang hindi kayo magkasama.

Masakit kung iisipin pero may lesson naman.
Ganon ang pagmamahal, hayaan mo siyang umalis sa piling mo, hayaan mo siyang tuklasin ang mga bagay na gusto niya, sumama sa mga taong nakakapagpasaya sa kanya. Wag mo siyang ituring na parang ibon na ikukulong mo lang sa hawla. Hindi malaya. Nawawala ang halaga niya sa mundo dahil wala siyang kalayaang lumipad.

Hindi man kami para sa isa't isa na magmahalan bilang babae at lalake sa isang relasyon,
nagmamahalan naman kami bilang magkaibigan.
Mas pinili namen kung saan kami magtatagal.
Hindi man nag-uusap puno naman ng kalayaan para magsalita.

Iba talaga pag UST-e!

5:30 ng umaga ako umalis ng bahay. Medyo nagmaamdali pa ko kasi wala akong tigahatid ngayon at color coding at magbubus lang ako. Pag nalate ako ng alis eh tayuan na sa bus, so hassle kasi umuulan pa. Excited ako pumasok, may quiz sa OM at gusto ko yung prof. Nagbayad ako ng P50 sa trike, sinuklian ako ng kinse, gusto ko umangal kasi trenta lang naman ang bayad pero 35php ang kinuha, pero hindi na ko nakipagtalo-sayang lang sa oras. Sumakay ako ng bus, masaya kasi nakaupo ako, pangalawa pa sa unahan. Umalis ang bus at tinahak ang NLEX. Ang bilis ni manong driver magmaneho, siguro may date siya mamaya. Kinuha ko yung Kapitan Sino sa bag ko at nagbasa, simula non hindi ko na nakuhang tignan yung cellphone ko. Isang kanto na lang sa Lacson at San Lazaro na malapit na kong bumaba. Nag ayos na kong ng gamit at naglabas ng payong ng makita ko yung bababaan ko, susmaryosep garapon! Puro tubig! Syempre no choice kaya lumusong na rin ako. :x

Pag dating ko sa LaongLaan, puro tubig pa rin. Pinagtitinginan na ko, Para kong may nagawang bagay sa mundo na kelangan na nila kong hulihin. May pedicab dun sabi ko kung naghahatid siya sa Dapitan Gate, sabi niya "Oo, trenta.." Ang mahal grabe. Sabi ko bente lang binabayad ko (kahit di pa ko nakakasakay heheh) Eh di umepek naman. Nung nakasakay na ko sa pedicab, dun ko lang naisipan tignan yung cellphone ko, ang dameng message na walang pasok. Isa na don yung ke mama, "Anak declared na, wala kayong pasok. Ingat ka wah. Bumili ka ng pagkain niyo magkapatid.." Nagreply naman ako, "Ano ba yan lumusong pa ko sa baha!" "Ganon talaga. Bumili ka ng pagkain niyo magkapatid.." Hindi na lang ako nagreply. Sabi ko ke manong pedicab ibalik na niya ko kasi wala naman daw palang pasok. Humingi na lang ako ng pasensya.

Balik na naman ako sa baha. Hanggang may dumating na bus. Pero sa tinamaan ng magaling inabot pa ata ako ng 15minutes bago makasakay ng bus, nasa kalsada ako na may baha bawat jeep bus trike na dumadaan sinasapo ko yung tubig. Buti na lang black yung uniform ko ng araw na 'to. :x Ayan na! Dumating na din ang bus, pinara ko, humakbang at tanannnn! Inanod yung havs ko, syempre kinuha ko pa, kahit ano mangyare kukunin ko yon, gift yon ni tintin eh. Pagluhod ko eh di basa na ko ever! Hinubad ko na lang ung tsinelas ko at chaka nagpaa na sumakay ng bus. Syempre sikat na naman sa bus. Nakakahiya pero nakangiti pa rin ako. Experience na naan to eh.

Tunay ngang hindi kumpleto ang college life ng mga Thomasian pag hindi sila nakalusong sa baha. Sa mga panahon na ganito, ang top4 universities sa bansa, nagiging 3 na lang.

Acceptance is the key to heal.

It was raining hard outside yesterday. I gaze at the window and see nothing but fog. It’s been days, 7 days exactly. So much has changed, but not with the way I feel. I am still clinging on and still trying to cope up with things that happened.

I used to wake up in the morning with the bright sun rays that passes through my windows, but now it was the cold freezing wind that the rain brought that wake me up. I shiver, and that made me believe that I am now alone. I try to reach for my pillow then hug it, but it was not there. There in the old place that I used to put it. And for the second time, I felt despair for I am alone.

God never failed me to prove that He is God. That He is a good God.
Even though that He had taken away the sun that shines bright in my morning, He has sent me the rain, I may not know the reason at this time, but maybe tomorrow I’ll understand why…


I may be alone for awhile, but time come that he’ll come back, maybe not as a lover, but as a friend. Time will lapse, and we will grow and understand.
Now, what really matters most is that we loved at all.

Guilty Feelings Are Always The Nastier Revenge

"Wag mo silang takutin,
Hwag mong iparamdam na may kasalanan sila.."

Bongga! Ganito pala pag Junior Executive na si Kokey noh? Sa kanya ko toh narinig eh, sabi daw sa kanya ni Ate J...(Ok nakalimutan ko.) Ayaw kasi magbayad ng membership na P200 sa TJMA nung iba kaya ayon, hindi ko na ikukwento.

Pero totoo naman eh. Mas maganda yung silent revenge. Actually hindi naman sa revenge. Parang conscience game diba? God has given us, humans, the sense of what is right and what is wrong. So sometimes, hindi na natin dapat isungalngal sa isang tao na may ginawa siyang mali or what, minsan kasi hindi ka pinapansin, o wala lang epekto un kasi sila pa rin ang nagdedecide at para sa kanila tama sila. :/ It's rare to find someone who admits his/her faults. So rare talaga. Tsss.

How I wish matauhan na siya. :/

I don't mind and you don't matter.

Hindi ko alam kung may mga bagay ba kong napala sa mga nangyare ngayong mga huling araw. Nakakapanghina lang at sobrang hirap kasi wala akng mapagsabihan. Kahit gusto ko ng iblurt out wala, napipigil ko pa rin. Natatakot kasi akong kaawaan ng mga taong makakaalam. Kasi mismong ako down na down na eh. Sila pa kaya? Lalo na ngayon na simpatya lang ang gusto ng mga tao. Hindi ka nila tutulungan. Oo sasabihan ka nila na "Ok lang yan, madame pa diyan.." Eh alam ko naman un duuuh? Ang point kasi, di naman mapipigilan to eh. Sige nga try nio?

Tignan mo tong GM ni Lyra. Bongga noh?
Oo bongga talaga. Shiiiz! :/ Sapol much?

"Don't tell everyone about your troubles. Half of them don't care and the other half are glad it happened to you."
-Reader's Digest

If you don't like me,
it goes mind over matter.
I don't mind and you don't matter..

Si Ella ay Hindi Ako.

"Kung may mamahalin man ako ulit sa susunod, ikaw pa rin ang pipiliin ko. Sana nga saktan na lang niya ko, dahil hindi ko kaya na ako pa ang manakit sa kanya.."

Pinikit ko ang aking mga mata. Hindi ko alam ang aking sasabihin o sadyang hindi lang talaga ako makapagsalita. Tila ilang ulit akong hinulugan ng meteors na galing sa kung saan planeta na punong puno ng apoy. Hindi naman sa pagiging OA pero para na kong pinapatay. Nakakapanghina tuloy.

It's easier to believe in lies.

If God closes the door, He will definitely open a window. He will never leave us unattended. That’s what I am clinging to right at this moment. Even though that there are many happenings in my life that do not went well just what I expected it to be, I still believe that it is the will of God. Maybe it is the best remedy that I know right know. I am in pain again and I don’t want to go on details because it is easier to disguise rather than explain why you are sad. I’ve learned that not of all the people around you treat you the way you treat them. You believe in them and then just found out that you had believed in lies. It will hurt right? But that’s life, that’s what people are nowadays. And we just have to handle them in the right way, believe in them at the right time and befriend them in the right reasons.

What's Mentholiptus?

It was an awesome day today. Well not really that “best” but it’s a good one.
I got accepted as a photographer on Thomasian Junior Marketing Association and we are about to have an orientation and lesson for basic photography this Monday. About the writing committees the list of the names that are accepted are not yet shown. The officer in charge said that they are still finalizing the “chosen ones”, so I hope that I’ll be on the list too. We also had a quiz on Distributing Management and I think I got perfect on that test, or if not perfect maybe at least a mistake or two. Witwiw! :D

I also visited the Library after having lunch with Amiel. And I got to encounter a group of Engineering Students in The Filipiana Section, what bothers me is when me & my friend entered the room, they started looking and murmuring. And there’s one who bow down her head in the table with her friend in an AB Uniform. At first I was confused. But the moment that we sat down and I got the time to look at those wonderers I came to find out that 2 of those are known by me. Well I just don’t know why do they need to bother that much and bow down as if they were hiding. (scenic)

Then, I went to UP and meet Ickah. Do some shots & eat merienda.
Ickah is one heck of a wonderful person. She’s very professional & sweet, so nice pa.
She’s cute as if she was a doll & a really a small but incredible person.
It was really a lot of fun. Even though it was very tiring to walk and walk and walk along UP Campus. But it’s nice talaga, I got a chance to visit their library and bumped in with Jezer, a high school schoolmate of mine. Cool. And now I have a picture with the oblation. Hahahah. Weird much, seeing that statue made me euphoric that time and made me do some camwhoring with that thing. Hahahah. :DD

So much for that babe, it’s getting late and I have a 7am class tomorrow.
Damn! I don’t have photoshop still. *sad face*
Hmp. Nyways, TCCIC. (I miss You Daryl!)

Selfishh!

Masakit at nakakapanghina ang araw na to.
Sobrang sakit kasi nalaman kong hindi na niya ko mahal. Mahal man niya ko, bilang kaibigan na lang. Tinanong ko siya kung bakit, pero hindi niya rin daw alam yung dahilan. Gusto ko magalit pero mas pinili kong umiyak. Dun naman ako magaling eh. Yung ilabas lahat sa pag-iyak. Actually nararamdaman ko naman na parating na yung time na to, instinct baga. At kala ko kaya kong bumitaw ng ganon ganon lang, pero iba pa rin pag actual na. Mahirap, masakit sobra. Nakiusap ako, lahat naman kasi ng effort ginawa ko. Wala naman raw akong mali oh pagkukulang yung nararamdaman lang niya yung problema. Pero mahirap pa rin intindihin.

Sa kabila lahat ng pag-uusap.
Dumating yung point na, kahit ayokong bumitaw pero wala naman akong choice. Kaya naging ready na rin akong pakawalan siya. Alam naman niya yung side ko, at binigay ko na lahat sa kanya yung pagdedecide.

Pinili niyang ituloy. Pipilitin naman daw niyang ibalik yung love niya para sakin.
Alam kong mali pero hindi naman sigurong masamang pagbigyan ko yung nararamdaman ko. Nagholdback siya, ganon rin naman ako. :(

Pareho kaming nahihirapan, napakselfish ko na ba?
Kinakaaawaan ko na sarili ko. :( Hays Bat ganon, lagi na lang akong naiiwanan sa ere ng mga taong minamahal ko? :'( Nakakadepress. Buti di pa ko namemental noh?

Haysss.
Selfish ako! Selfisshh! :((

Unang Beses Ng Kanyang Paglisan

Pagod at lupaypay na ang mga paa katatakbo sa desyertong sa kung saan ay hindi ko alam. Unti unti ko ng nararamdaman ang pagod na kanina'y pilit ko namang inaalintana. Maihahalintulad mo na ko sa pangkarerang kabayo na pinapalo para tumakbo, tumatakbo dahil pinapalo. Tunay na walang kasiguraduhan ang ginagawa kong 'to pero tinuloy ko pa rin. Hindi para kung kanino kung hindi'y para sa akin.

Nararamdaman kong sa anumang oras ay bibigay na ang aking binti. Kung marunong lang magmura ang katawan ko, siguro'y namatay na ko sa kakamura nito. Pero hindi pa rin ako titigil, kung ito lamang ang paraan para maramdaman ko ang pagkamanhid. Gusto ko yon! Yung maramdaman ang pakiramdam ng walang pakiramdam.

Binilisan ko pa ang paghagod ng mga pagod na paa ko sa lupa. Hanggang ako'y natalisod. Nalunod sa mga buhangin. At unti unti nitong hinihigop. Kumunoy. Eto ang kumunoy na nagpabalik sa akin ng realidad na mahina pa rin ako, na sa proseso ng buhay ay dapat akong lumaban.

Hinigop niya ko, hindi ako makahinga.
Hindi ako makahinga.
Nanlaban ngunit kulang.
Hindi pa rin ako makahinga!!


Hanggang na siya mismo ang nagluwa sakin.
Pagkatapos pahirapan at nakawan ng hangin ay kinamuhian niya ako.
Tinapon. Niluwa.


Ganon na lang yun..
Ganon ganon na lang.
Sa kabila ng pagod na tumakas ay ganon ganon lang niya kong binalik sa realidad na sana'y ayaw ko ng balikan.

"I know sometimes, its gonna rain.."

I don’t know our status right at this moment. We haven’t talk for awhile. I asked him to load up but he didn’t so I did the same too. I wonder what he’s thinking right now. Is he bothered as much as I am? I bet he’s not. But I prayed that he is.

There are no permanent things in this world indeed.
But sometimes it is easier to accept this fairytale statement rather than accept that it doesn’t exist. I know it will be easier for me to accept things if it will turn out wrong or not the way I expect it to be, because I’ve learned that in the process of this so-called love. It is better to expect more on the “less expectations” rather than cling in the positive side. It is not being pessimist. It is more likely to be, “I-am-happy-but-still-safe-of-getting-hurt” status, still safe but not incapable.

It is not unfair.
It is just a matter of accepting changes in a long run.
And getting ready for the worst case scenario.

Have you found joy in your life?

Have you found joy in your life?
This question keeps on running in my head. I heard this awhile ago in the news when someone is being interviewed about the issue of Cory Aquino’s “stable” condition.

Life is indeed very short. No one knows maybe tomorrow or worst later you’ll be dead and gone in a snap. So what if you’ll meet death later and you’re just given an hour to live? How will you live it? Are you just going to spend it with your family & friends and do some dramatic farewell? Or just wait for the time of your departure alone?

Have you ever realized in your life what have you done for all those years that you’ve live? Did you live your life well? Did you meet your life’s purpose? What if you didn’t? What will you do? Have you found joy in your life? Have you found out what true love really means? Are you happy? What if you’re not?


Friend, this is just a simple reminder that every second that you live is important, not only for yourself but also for the people around you. I hope that starting tomorrow when you wake up, you’ll thank Him that you are still alive and still given a chance to make your life worthwhile & make your remorse lessen even a bit. Give a lot of chance for those people who have hurt you in the past and still hurting you in your present to be forgiven. Say sorry & admit your imperfections. Live for the glory of God and you won’t be lost.

It’s not too late to spend your life on its best.
You just have to learn to take His hand and journey well.

No Photoshop

It is good to be back. Just so you know, our computer got fucked up again. Yes. It did happen again, but thank God that it is now fixed. The technician, reformat it and upgrade it to a new model. And you know what sucks? I don’t have Adobe Photoshop at this moment. And I dunno when will I get that application again. Even if I have an installer I find it hard to install it on our desktop. So if there’s anyone there generous enough to teach me how, it will be a great help for me.

Or: Is there a site where can I download Adobe Photoshop with its crack?
I think it’s easier to install? Shiiz! Help naman *sad face*