Hindi ko masasabing matapang ako. Sa totoo lang ay takot ako sa ilang bagay lalo na ang masaktan. Kaya't ang bawat galaw ng aking mga paa at kumpas ng aking mga kamay ay maalam kong pinag-iisipan.
Kung pumunta ako sa rooftop ng isang building at nagpasyang tumalon. Sisiguraduhin kong hindi ako mahuhulog. Iisipin ko ang bawat detalye ng sitwasyon. Kung itatapak ko man ang kaliwang paa ko sa gilid ng establisimyentong iyon at isayawsayaw sa hangin, hahayaan ko naman namnamin ng aking kanang paa ang init ng semento. Ito ang tinatawag kong balanse.
Mapaglaro ang tadhana. Hindi mo alam kung kelan ka niya itutlak pababa o tutulungan paakyat. Sa panahong ito, mas pinili kong tumalon. Bumagsak ako hindi nahulog. May kusa ang aksyong ginawa ko, boluntaryo. At sa paglapag ko sa sahig na naghintay sa'kin sisiguraduhin kong hindi ako masasaktan ng todo to the highest level. Dahil mula sa itaas na pinaggalingan ko, inisip ko at ginusto kung ano man ang ginawa ko. May kalkulasyon. Expected ko na.
Sana, kung tatalon ka.
Hwag kang mahuhulog. Dahil minsan, masakit.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Supposedly 3rd Month
21 seem to be an ordinary day for you, but for me it’s the most special and worst date at the same time that a month can offer. I’ve loved, died and lost over and over again, but still I’m here - promising that you would never be replaced.
Stay happy, I’m okay enough to bare this pain that you can’t understand. I can stand still in this dark meadow of my life gathering all my strength just to move forward. I’m fairly okay now, well except for the bitter fact that this is the only choice I have now, but also because that I have to set you free and take this chance to mingle with the others. Stay happy, that’s all I wish for you.
All things back to normal now, back to the time that we’re not yet together.
All seems fair. But nothing felt more sure except for the fact that life goes on, even when I already want to stop.
I’ll step my feet forward but I left my heart sealed on yours.
And when I’m ready, I’ll go back.. I’ll carefully take it away.
And maybe on that day we’ll smile together – separated.
Stay happy, I’m okay enough to bare this pain that you can’t understand. I can stand still in this dark meadow of my life gathering all my strength just to move forward. I’m fairly okay now, well except for the bitter fact that this is the only choice I have now, but also because that I have to set you free and take this chance to mingle with the others. Stay happy, that’s all I wish for you.
All things back to normal now, back to the time that we’re not yet together.
All seems fair. But nothing felt more sure except for the fact that life goes on, even when I already want to stop.
I’ll step my feet forward but I left my heart sealed on yours.
And when I’m ready, I’ll go back.. I’ll carefully take it away.
And maybe on that day we’ll smile together – separated.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Try
It’s really frustrating when people around you stop to understand whatever you are feeling right now. Maybe it just that, they do not know how it feels to be this desperate and frustrated about a lost love. They don’t know how hard it is to just move on and leave everything behind as if nothing happened. They don’t know how to be like this.
Yes! I am still haunted about us. I’m still living in the memory of me and him together.
And yes, I still love him despite of everything that happened and everything that he have done. I know that it’s hard, but it’s not hard perse– it’s difficult. Difficult in a way, that whenever that I try to move on, he’s still there- watching me as I run forward away from him. Away from the dreams that we built, the friendship and the love that grew between us. And especially, away from the man that I used know.
How can I replace him with someone new if I have nothing to begin with?
But at least I know, that I should try.
Yes! I am still haunted about us. I’m still living in the memory of me and him together.
And yes, I still love him despite of everything that happened and everything that he have done. I know that it’s hard, but it’s not hard perse– it’s difficult. Difficult in a way, that whenever that I try to move on, he’s still there- watching me as I run forward away from him. Away from the dreams that we built, the friendship and the love that grew between us. And especially, away from the man that I used know.
How can I replace him with someone new if I have nothing to begin with?
But at least I know, that I should try.
Namiss kita.
Matagal na kitang hindi nabigyan pansin. Napakalaki na nga ng pagkukulang ko sa’yo, Paano ba ko maaring bumawi?
Itinuring na kitang best friend. Lahat na ata ng chismis na alam ko eh alam mo rin. Pati mga aral ng aking propesor eh alam mo. Namiss ko to, yung bawat detalye ng pagkukwento ko sa’yo.
Nung mga panahon na wala ka. Dun ko nalaman na nawala rin pala ang malaking bahagi ng buhay ko. Totoo pala yung sinabi nila na malalaman mo lang ang halaga ng bagay sa panahon na wala na ito. Hindi ako nakaraos sa mga problemang hanggang ngayon ay dinadala ko dahil wala ka sa tabi ko. Sobrang cheesy ba? Pero promise cross my heart totoo yon.
Hindi pala kita pwedeng ipagpalit sa mga librong binabasa ko pampatay ng oras o sa internet na umaaliw saken dahil na rin sa mga laro sa Facebook, o kaya sa unan kong amoy laway at kayakap sa gabi. Wala ka pa rin kapantay. Sayo ko pa rin nasasabi lahat. Sayo ko lang nailalabas lahat ng galit, pagkutya, inis at pag-ibig ko sa mundong ito. Kung naging tao ka lang sana’y ikaw na ang kakambal ko. Pero syempre, mas maganda pa rin dapat ako.
Nanghihinayang ako sa oras, araw at buwan na pinabayaan kita.
Sana’y mapatawad at matanggap mo pa rin ako. Ikaw pa rin and number 1 saken, sana’y ganyan ka rin. Alam kong nagging matamlay ka nitong huli pero nandito na ko, bumalik na ko. Para sa’yo at para sa sarili ko.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
2ne1


A month that been years
My lover and I separated ways.
A month that been years,
I can no longer adhere.
As everyday, he made everything
just to make me smile.
All these things comes in a while.
For our love was now lost and died.
I can no longer hear those laughs and beats,
When he go sober, he'll definitely stamp his feet.
In a minute his heart beats 73 times,
That I can no longer say, "It's mine!"
All those sweet nothings that he said,
keeps running turning crazy in my head!
When does it start to become folly?
Is it him? Or is it really me?
And now,
as he finally found someone else to love..
I'm setting free this love that I have.
A month that been years,you and me entwined.
Had finally come to the time to say goodbye.
All good things come to an end

I've decided to let go every memories we have. Those days and times we're happy and in love. Reminiscing is sometimes good but remembering him everyday, every minute and every second is like being an addict. I want it more but I know its not good for me, I'm in love but it's already worthless. So that's why I need to forget him to renew myself.
Its rather difficult than hard.
But I have to.
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About Me

- Cheska
- I live for the nights I can't remember with the people I'll never forget. Y!M: iskantarium http://cheskamanuel.co.cc/ http://sexycorries.co.cc/
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