Bitin

It’s been almost a month since he left me in a deep stupor. It was still that clear in my mind how painful that night was. It was October 12, 2008 when he decided to separate his life from mine. It was the same night when I heard myself cry to the fullest. The pain was definitely unbearable at first. It feels like it was the first heartbreak that I’ve been through. It even feels like dying. Dying from with in.

It was the first day of our semester break when I found myself busy with uncanny things. It’s really hard to keep yourself busy and let your mind focus for the things that you don’t even want to think about. I found my greatest distractions when I spend my vacation on my auntie’s crib. It was awesome, for there, they are so many things that I can deal with. Just like playing with my baby cousins and surfing the net 24/7.

But it didn’t feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I’d grown strong enough to bear it. But still, I am suffering. I am still soaked with the emptiness that fills me inside and out. Nothing but nothing.


Every night, I ask God that even when that guy left me. He’ll still be that man that I loved for the rest of my life. I lived through that. I lived each day with love in my heart for him. Even that love was inseparable with pain. Worse when I try to think of him. And worst when I tried to write this story. My hands are freezing and every minute, I wanted to stop. But how can I not recall him? Those moments? That is why I write- to try to turn sadness into longing and solitude into remembrance.


And then, there was this man…