Dear stranger,

Thanks for smiling back. I am utterly clueless on why the hell I smiled at you a while ago but smiling back was one of the best things(if there’s any) that happened to me today. Before then, my Sunday was so messed and fucked up because of my mom. She’s a great nagger btw, and she’s really doing good as days pass by.

Today, she forced me to attend my cousin’s christening, yelled at me when I got home and scolded for things that I have no knowledge of.

Because of these, I decided to ran and visit the mall instead. I was alone but it’s okay. I need some time for myself. I need to think and calm down. And that’s the time when I saw you. You’re a bit cute but not that handsome. A so-so guy perhaps, and that smile that I gave out was not really intentional but maybe you’re a godsend-whatever so you smiled back.

With that, I found my way home.

230 Days Of U

Day 15-21: We still talked but now, we venture to talk about other deeper things about us. There are days that we stop talking because you seemed busy and have no time to go online.

Day 22: You finally found the time to go online and visit your Tumblr. You sent me a message saying it’s been awhile since you read something from me.

Day 23: I got your phone number. We started texting.

Day 24-26: There’s a time that I said that I have no load so I can’t reply to your previous messages. You said it’s okay since you’re unlimited text thingo is near on its end. :”>

Day 27: We found out that we have a common close friend. Dhel.

Day 28(to be cont.)

230 Days Of U

There’s no us anymore, what’s left here are just you and me. I should have realized earlier that God has given me a great opportunity when I met you. Maybe He sent you to make me happy and make me feel love and special in a certain period of time, just that. We can’t be together longer than that span of time. You were destined to be with me to make me better and make me see things in a different way then leave afterwards.

But let me bring back ‘our’ days. Here’s a timeline from the beginning till the end. A form of reminisce, a form of saying how much I missed everything. 230 days of you, number and description of days are not exact, sorry. Memory gap you know. But this timeline will just describe what happened, what went wrong and when did the/your love start to fade.

Day 1: I followed you, your Tumblr page I mean. I cannot remember on how I ended up in your blog and start to backread on your posts. You were the topless boy on that time because of your DP. LOL. Goodtimes.

Day2: You sent me a T.A saying thank you because I followed you. You even called me ATE. Thanks huh!!! LOL.

Day3-8 You post a lot of things. Mostly reblogs actually.

Day9 I unfollowed you.

Day10 You messaged me again saying that “Inunfollow mo…blahblah” I just made up a reason that I was just “dashboardcleaning” and I will come back and follow you again.

Day11-12talked via TA. [Vague memories]

Day13 I followed you again. We talked, not only in TA but in Y!M.

Day14 We talked on YM. We played 20 questions. I asked you if you’re gay. When you said no, I asked you if you’re single.

Day15: (to be cont.)

I'll start from the last story

I went to my past friend’s house this morning(around 5AM) to drink. Past friends because I don’t consider them as my friends anymore. I’m in a phase where hi-hello-how are you-goodbye exists. We nailed down 3 muchos of Red Horse then lots of cigs and chips as pulutan.

One of them kept on pestering me about goddamn Facebook. He was so upset that I was not able to accept his friend request for almost 3months now. Truth be told, I don’t really want to accept him there. He’s a part of my past and I don’t one anyone from there ruin my present nor be part of my future. I shit you not when I say that my past is the ‘worst-est’ phase of my fucking life. Name it, I’ve been there, I’ve done that. So yeah.

Back to what I was saying about his friend request, I just answered him that I’m not as active in Facebook as before. And since he was a bit alcohol consumed na, he kept on asking me the same question again and again. Around 8am, after the Red Horse drinking, booze, jizz and a lazy morning sex, I went home. Just like that, as if nothing happened. As if I’ve never seen them.

Another morning waking up with someone else's bed. Uhhh~

Life goes on.

I thought my mom will wash my lunchbox.

But unfortunately my hunch was wrong. I left my lunchbox in the sink last night hoping that my mom will wash it this morning. But when I went to the kitchen few minutes ago, I saw my baunan ‘unwashed’ (if that’s the right term for that, but I bet you know what I mean so what the hell).

Maybe I should stop depending to mah folks. :cry:

LOL. Drama.

I hate it when you act as if you don’t know me, as if we haven’t shared a lot of good things together. I hate it when you start ignoring me through text and in person. I hate it when I ask you questions about us then you start answering me with a smile. I hate it when you do that.

Remember last time that we had dinner?

That’s also the time where I got to take a picture of you using my camera phone. And you really look like a cutie hunk slash boy-next-door in the photo, well honestly you’re really a cutie hank slash boy-next-door kind of guy in person. Hihihi!

You know what I did? I made that photo my cellphone’s wallpaper. So every time that I’ll look in my phone’s screen, I will always see your cute face smiling at me. You don’t know how much you inspire me with those smiles like that.

In every day that passed, I’m really liking and loving you more.

Someday babe, someday…

If you want us to be okay then make an effort to fix things up.

Stop waiting for me to move. Stop waiting for me to do all the effort just for us to be okay. I’ve done that a million times before and I grew tired of it. It’s your turn now. I want to know if you really care about us. Do something. Do something for us to be okay.

Nakita ko 'tong bb girl na 'to kanina sa sementeryo. Habang yung nanay niya hirap na hirap magsindi ng kandila dahil sa ulan at hangin, siya naman hirap na hirap hipan yung kandila after masindihan ng nanay niya. EPIC!

I better be off setting my life to a new perspective without you. Yes you who never knew the importance of simple things that I did for something that we almost had. You never really understand me, the things that I did and the things that I said. You never really knew how to be in my place right? No I am not, mad. I am just tired of understanding you. I’m sorry. :’( I am just too tired to be the only one who did all the understanding. You’re still my best friend and the best man that I never knew. I’m sorry, but I can’t go on with you right now.
And I’m quite perplexed seeing your message in my Tumblr ask tonight. But still, we’re better off this way. And just like what you said, thank you and take care.

Finally, after the long wait (one week) I got my I.D today. I’m now an official bb gurl who works for an internship at IBM Daksh located at Edsa Square at Mandaluyong (just across Shang). So if you happened to go there or just somewhere near the location. Please do contact me because I’m just human and I want some social life too. Hmmkay?

Hello I’m Cheska and I’m having a hard time doing my feasibility study.

So this is how a 4th year graduating student feels like before graduating. Feasibility study is such a pain in the neck, I don’t know if I want to do this anymore. Ang sakit sa ulo.

Say no to pork

This is what Mark suggested to me when I told him that I engaged myself into exercise since last week. he told me that I should refrain from eating meat(pork/beef/chicken) and indulge to fruits and biscuits instead.

Ohwell, let’s see what I can do about this.

I spent my one hour vacant to survey around University Of Santo Tomas.

The liking about long title post is gradually increasing. I don’t know, maybe I am amused about how the author of Percy Jackson attracts me by doing this way in the book chapter’s title.

Anyway, as the title suggests.

I spent my one hour vacant to survey few students around UST. I need this for my feasibility study that is due I-don’t-know-when. While waiting for the science students that I asked to answer the questionnaire I heard someone shouted “Sino nagtutumblr sa inyo?” coz he’s talking to a bunch of Eng. freshmen so he’s voice is that loud.

I turned my head to see who uttered the statement and saw Jaredramos. So that explained the Tumblr thingy. Anyway, that’s all I need to say. K bye.

The egg pie saved me from damnation

My mother arrived 1hr and 54minutes ago. And the moment that I opened the door for her I asked her, “Why so early?” And to my surprised she started her dramatic speech on how she escaped their school principal around 3:30 in the afternoon because she misses home and wanted to take a rest. After delivering this speech she said in one full statement that I need to finish a four household chores for her. IN. ONE. FULL. STATEMENT. Just right after her dramatic speech, can you beat that?! LOL.

Anyway, since I loved her so much I left the computer and do what she said. Thank God there’s an egg pie inside the fridge to reward me for my good deeds. 3 out of 4 chores are now done I’m just waiting for my dad to arrived so I can fulfill all my duties.

Erryeah.
Good evening. Tumblr’s a bit slow here, is it the system or my connection?

700 fucking dollars for a lens

So how can I afford something that is too expensive? I’m just a student. I can’t even earn half of it through my allowance. My dad won’t help me with this of course. And unfortunately, he doesn’t want me to buy the full Fish eye camera even the money will come to my own savings. HE WANTS A FISH EYE LENS.

Anyway. Hidalgo is still there. I need to go there ASAP.

Last first day

Every thing seemed perfect. Well expect for the sad fact that you’re not with us, with me for this day.. Goodnight.

Understatement

My sense of direction is hopeless;
Of course I was happy about the sunlight. But that wasn't completely responsible for the euphoric mood I was in, not even close.


I think I got every thing in life now. And maybe this is what I deserved. Depression.
There was no rational explanation for how I was alive at this moment. As I watched tears rolling down through my face. I admit that I am really pathetic now. Not because of the things that are happening around me but because of how I handle it. Pain pulls me.

Love was never been an achievement for me.
I remembered the days that I'm on in an affair with "Blyn". I think it was never really an affair. It was more of an advocacy of two souls finding one compliment to hold on to. "A paradise we labeled wrong.." as Juj's poem goes.

Blyn taught me so many things about life. Even things that I considered simple have been complicated at all -because of him of course. He made me realize that I should grow as a person. Make dreams, but without him. Sad. Really sad.

He taught me to be strong especially in times that I lose control of the situation. The only person I can trust except God is myself. He said that ignore those people who ought to ruin my day for they were dying to have my attention. It's more of a command than a statement. So I stop being an enemy, but I accept the fact that I can never be a friend.

I told him that I considered myself just like the girls he had before. A bitch.
But he disagreed. He convinced me that I am far different from being a bitch or being whatever people wants to call me.. So I stop being a paranoid.


We decided to stop every thing that we had on that moment. He have commitments with another or should I say other girlS that he must accomplish. I eventually do the understanding. As usual.

I write because of him. No other reasons at all. He keeps on haunting me every now and then. I thought I am way over him, but actually. Im not. I was just livin' the thought of him; our memories behind my back then try to move forward.Unfortunately,I keep on looking back. His face continue to linger every night. The arousal from our love making doesn't fade yet. And I guess, it will never be.

I watched the rain drops falling down from the canopy of the trees outside. It was pure and gentle.So innocent. Here in the trees it was much easier to believe the absurdies that embarassed me indoors. And I hate dealing with it.

Now, Im leaving. I may forget every one, every thing but not him.
I am so certain about this. So certain that you can't even understand the way I understand things. I am not good on repressing bad things, maybe that's why. I have no further explanation for what I feel for him.I guess, this is more than enough.

I had loved him in so many different ways.
And the thought of giving up-I feel a sudden rush of anguish upon myself.
I am tired of escaping. I am tired of convincing myself that It's over.
Now, a sudden rush of agony feels me with the thought of this alternative.
Pale face. Cold skinned. Deeply in to him. That's all I want to be.
Nothing less. Nothing more..


To the girl that he's staying with:
UNDERSTAND HIM.
Time will come that you'll know about this.
But try to understand him first.
Learn to ask.
Everything happens for a reason.
And maybe that reason will justify everything....

Mending a broken heartr?

How can you mend a broken heart?

Let me quote what my handsomest classmate Adrian Pobre said a while ago when he's doing our improptu speech in English. The question given to him is "How can you mend a broken heart?"

I quote, "There no such broken heart, for the heart cannot be broken. The heart is only challenged. So the question is, how can you mend a challenged mind? It is by using your mind..."

You may counter his speech that he can never tell what to use or not for he can never really experience what "broken hearteds" was really experiencing this time.

But I agree on what Ads said, mending a broken "heart" is coping on to the emptiness from within. And healing needs a high quality of self discipline where in we should use our minds.
We only feel pain because we think about it.

"If the mind can conceive the body can achieve.."

Why not use our hearts?
Heart is only vital organ that pumps blood all over our body.Heartaches does not really exist (except for the heart attack ok?) SO why use heart if there's really nothing it can do for us?

You may questioned me, why choose to use mind rather than hearts?
I have one vital answer to that..
Take time to wonder..
Why did God placed the brain/mind above our hearts?

I guess I made some sense?